If one is unhappy and depressed with his life, then he searches for internal, individual, personal happiness. This happiness can be so called spiritual mental peace otherwise in most of cases, the person is centralized with himself, his family, wife, children. His personal problems like illness, joblessness, are enough to make him worried and unhappy, disturbed. He has no higher goals in his life. He spends life to fulfil formalities for survival. All his efforts are either for himself or his family or relatives. Rest of world, he thinks, is cruel, unsafe, dangerous place with enemies.
I see people, who misbehave with others wearing cheap clothes, they hate poor looking people, they talk not respectful with countryside people. They, who are literate, English speaking, rich people, are uncivilized and uneducated.
I see people around me – tall, with string muscles, but they are slaves. They are dizzying, sad, bored, looking for excitement in outer entertainment. They smell bad and to hide it they sprinkle sprays, deodorants, perfumes on their body and clothes. I do not hate them. I wonder to see how they live with superficial emotional expressions. They seem satisfied with their lifestyle. They have learned how to live like that. Their strongest desire is to be living. If they are living, they satisfy their ego, physical desires, tongue, and they just want anyhow not to die. It never been so difficult for me to tolerate such people and conditions of society. Now I’m fed up of all these. Everything has become irritating for me. I’m more sensitive for all these. I was taught to be the same person everyone are but now I’m changed. I’m unfit to this society and likeminded people are few.
23:41 Wednesday 24th May 2017
Buddha, after centuries, has been accepted as incarnation of Vishnu by Vaishnavas, but the facts are –
Buddha rejected Brahminism.
Hindu people don’t celebrate Buddha Jayanti.
Hindu people don’t accept Buddha as their teacher.
Hindu people never greet me Buddha Purnima or on other Buddhist festivals.
Hindu people are not aware about their – philosophies and different schools.
Hindu people do not study well about their religion.
It’s true – that Hinduism what we have been introduced is actually a mixture of many different philosophies and faiths which are against to each other. Shaiva, Shaakta, Nyaya, Vaisheshika, Vedaantika, Yoga, Charwaka, all had been criticizing to each other.
Hinduism have been being propagated after independence of India is actually Brahmanism and it declares Brahmins above all in hierarchy, rest all are lower than Brahmins. Nobody can be Brahmin through efforts otherwise Dr. Ambedkar, Phule, would be considered Brahmins. Leave examples of Vishwamitra or Annie Basent. They are exceptional cases. Practical contemporary Hinduism is actually Brahmanism and rest of people must detach themselves from it – if they are aware of their self-respect.
I never criticize Hinduism. It doesn’t exist. What exists behind ‘Hinduism’ is “Brahminism.” It would be good for all Non-Brahmins to leave Brahminism and their rituals, their deities, festivals, and find out their real spiritual faith by themselves, otherwise, despite Indian constitution, their generations will remain getting insulated forever!!
23:28 Wednesday 24th May 2017
Ta – A middle and upper middle class common man wants a good and peaceful healthy life with happiness. He ignores rebellious voices of poor people against rich industrialists and politicians.
Wo – Hmm
Ta – If poor tribals, Dalits, Religious Minorities raise voice for justice, it propagated as threat for integrity of nation.
Wo – Yes.
Ta – What should they do then? To stay quiet and tolerate injustice by powerful people or to die following their heart?
Wo – Depends. It varies man to man. What would you do?
Ta – ….I don’t know. Actually, I don’t know what would I do if my kin and family members are killed by Upper Caste Hindus, ..
Wo – You will be requested to have Faith in the Constitution Of India and Judiciary.
Ta – Ambedkar’s constitution could bring equality for all, to build a strong and peaceful happy nation.
Wo – Right, but some fundamentalists and their organizations have started playing game of Nationalism for their own benefits. If you see skme people are making noise for Nationalism, be aware, they are actual Anti-Nationalists.
Ta – To divert people’s mind from their real problems. They feed up minds with feelings of war against neighbouring nations, they divert people and their energy.
Wo – Ok, the discussion is converting into criticize for them – Clever People in Power.
Ta – Then, what should one do?
Wo – Don’t ask others what to do or not. Love your surroundings, environment and People around you. Be not a harmful for society. Have Faith in Love.
13:22 Tuesday 23th May 2017
Wo – Patriotism encourages people to to take care of others around you, to respect and love them, ..
Ta – Doesn’t it teach you to love and care for historical monuments of your place?
Wo – Exactly! On the contrary, Nationalism can be observed through symbols like Flags, Government, National Anthem, ..
Ta – What about Patriotic Songs then?
Wo – Patriotic Songs encourage feelings for local region, languages, ..’more sang chalo ji’ is the best example of patriotic song that helped to make Chhattisgarh a separate state from Madhya Pradesh. I am from MP but I like that song very much.
Ta – What are other symbols of a nation? How can we understand a nation?
Wo – A map, an army, .. can be seen as symbols of a nation. Same language and same religion, same history also used to be symbols of a nation in past. One language, one army, one flag, one song, one government becomes representative of a nation. Nationalism doesn’t not care of patriotic sentiments. Nationalism always tries to rule over patriotism.
Ta – People are taught to die for your nation or country, or ..you believe both are different. Ok, where is man?
Wo – Both patriotism and nationalism teach people to live and die for country and nation. Man is nothing before symbols. One has to sacrifice his personal feelings for country and nation.
Ta – I think, some clever people are there who misuse patriotism and nationalism for their personal benefits. They who are in power.
Wo – I think the same.
Ta – Real men are killed or forced to die for country or nation, sometimes they are encouraged to die for culture, language, religion..
Wo – True.
Ta – ..and you see, they who are rich politicians, they provoke people to fight with each other on name of religion, god, language, ..
Wo – You said them Clever People in Power.
12:44 p.m. Thursday 23th May 2017
Ta – Is there any difference between Nationalism and Patriotism?
Wo – Yes. Both are different and against of each other.
Ta – I love my nation. I love my country. I love people, I love their language, culture. How is it against to each other?
Wo – Country, is a place where you live. That environment, locality, local people, their language and culture, all these make a country. It’s geographical and cultural concept for a place. Nation is a political term for people living inside political lines on map.
Ta – I love my country. I love my culture, my faith, my language.
Wo – Good.
Ta – I love my nation too.
Wo – It’s good you manage patriotism and nationalism on same time. It’s quite difficult for me and many people. I can’t be a patriotic and nationalist on same time.
Ta – Why?
Wo – To take care of people, place, culture, environment around you, is patriotism. To love your country is patriotism. To live and die for your country is patriotism. In a nation like India, we have so many countries, with different faiths, languages, culture, ..When I’m nationalist, I have to ignore my country. I have to sacrify my patriotic values for nationalism.
Ta – Do you mean, regionalism is patriotism?
Wo – Maybe similar but not same. Regionalism is emotionally attached with region, geographically. Patriotism is to love, respect and care for everything, belongs to your country.
Ta – Aren’t you a Nationalist then?
Wo – I can’t be a Nationalist and Patriot both on same time. Rather I would like to be Citizen Of Earth Planet.
11:29 a.m. Tuesday 23th May 2017
It was my first time I was in Gujrat, Valsad yesterday. I had a lot time to think and study but I had just passed whole day sitting on chair under a tree. Initially I revised Fotang rituals in my mind and later I had been sitting and walking on same place. I went to washroom twice and did not visit the program venue for a minute. My outer appearance was not good. I was also feeling hesitant to talk to other workers of kitchen. They offered me breakfast contained with onions that I could not refuse. Later they asked me to have lunch but I ate around 4 p.m. only puri and chatni and dinner after 10 p.m., puri with carrots and cucumber to maintain pure vegetarian. It was also a test if I could practice pure vegetarianism and I got 80%. Whole day and till 11 p.m. night I was sitting on chair under the tree. I didn’t make new friends who can help or remember me in future. I didn’t socialize with them.
As a Walky-Talky attendant it was my first time to do this work. Workers were already experienced and knowing about Walky-Talky. The caterers’ boss used to use nice words for ladies like ‘Ben, Behan, Pativrata.’ His son and daughter-in-law also helped him. He and his son, both smoke but son doesn’t smoke in front of father. Father also knows that but the good thing is, father doesn’t make his son ashamed and feeling guilty for smoking. The boss was really having good understanding. He had an eye on everyone who had done food or not.
I had much to talk yesterday but now cannot remember. I did not write yesterday because I had to save mobile battery. I want to sleep today though no updates for auditions are on Whatsapp groups.
12:36 p.m. Monday 22nd May 2017
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary.
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be.
Then I am still and wait here in the silence.
Until you come, and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up, to more than I can be.
The song I was taught in Fotang. I generally don’t like to learn songs in Fotang. I always prefer philosophical talking rather than singing songs, praising deities, etc. This song is different. They say it’s not a holy song but when I sing this song, I feel encouraged inside. This song echoes inside me. It’s not to praise someone else outside. It’s praising the self, consciousness, own intellect.
21:46 Saturday 20th May 2017