It’s 11:15pm. He is sitting on his bed, waiting to sleep. Stayed whole day at home. Apart from going to market in evening for buying some vegetables, he spent entire the day on his bed, not sleeping, but thinking and writing. Thinking was not intentionally but as usual, it’s just only work for mind.
Thinking brought him to no conclusion. In fact, thinking was not centred and to reach somewhere but a result of leaving his mind freely.
An empty stomach doesn’t allow mind to be spiritual who may think ‘who am I’, ‘what is purpose of life?’, ‘Does God Exist?’ sorts of useless topics. Fortunately, his stomach was not empty.
it’s now about to be 11:30pm and if he recollects what this day brought him as an achievement, he finds nothing. One more day has been spent observing time. No achievements, no work to get wordly wealths.
Experience was gained, but in this world which is heading for money and fame, there is no use of his experience what he has observed whole day sitting on his bed, inside this tiny house.
Mind goes blank to see one more day of life has been spent for nothing, and the next day is waiting on other side of the night to be wasted.
They say, ‘Life is here, at the present moment of time is going to create your future’ but they did not say how to utilise this moment to create a better future out of it. He has to find out what he can do using this time to pave the path for his future. Half of the life had been in trying to escape from reality (created by human society), and still now feels dumb to be with society.
Being ‘misfit’ to live in the society means sometimes being ‘unable’ to be with society. Escapism is not the way. Struggle wasn’t asked. He sees, he has been put in a battle field unknowingly and unwillingly.
He was not born to be in this society. He never asked for this struggle, even he did never wish for this life. He is just a result of his parents’ Love, but he never asked his parents to bring him in this world and to live this life.
Reluctantly, he has to live this life. Each day of life is a complete life in itself. Each moment is complete life. Each cell in body is an independent life. So many moments, many days, crores of cells has been destroyed without having any achievements. He wonder to see where this life is heading and for what?
See, stomach in not empty. Hopelessness and darkness are covering his mind. Body is what, just a slave of mind which is cursed to think under the cage of circumstances surrounded to the body. Sleeping is Half Death or a Deep Unaware State of Meditation, which has left him for this night. May nit be ready to die but willing to sleep, but only when Mind allows him.
Better to think of girl he wants to be his girlfriend, and enter into dreams, another way to escape the reality.
Lack of Love, being Broke, Financial Problems… are some reasons one finds world is not worth to live. Thousands of farmers in Maharashtra committed suicide because of poverty. Lovers die if can’t live without Love.
Death is not solution, leaving to live can be. Jain monks do Sallekhana, to leave their body starving till death comes, and they peacefully, awakened, knowingly accept the transformation of energy and matter.
Stomach is full, and feeling not sleepy yet. Mind is free to think. He observes what, when and why mind thinks, ‘how’ goes simultaneously. Philosophy has never been a good subject to discuss about. To me, economics had been a boring subject.
Love, prosperity, fame and respect is all he needs. But it’s not so easy to think, and maybe this is why mind doesn’t come over this easily. Mind knows here he has to face the ‘reality’ (created by human society). Escapism is not the way, neither death nor living blindly itself.