Left With Realisation

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One of my friends called me today for an audition in evening. His producer friend had asked him to send some good actors for his running show on DD1. I reached there at audition venue on time, got same script were given to all there other actors. I mugged up all lines, prepared the script with possible voice modulations and rehearsed few times, still was not feeling confident, even after 2 hours staying there I left the audition venue without giving audition.

What I had in my mind that time were ‘how to apply Method’ and words of Ashok Purang said in his free workshop I attended twice: ‘Aisa kyu nahi hota ki aap audition do aur audition band ho jaye, ki unhe unka character mil jaye?’

I have read about Method but I find it difficult to apply in a short time especially when you are asked to perform in a quick time on an audition.

The monologue was of a revolutionary man convincing his comrades to fight against British Rule. I had mugged up the lines, decided which line would be thrown in which way with proper pronunciations etc. still, after 2 hours, finally I had to leave the place without appearing in audition.

I really couldn’t feel me as a revolutionary man and the time during British Rule. Ok, it was not so necessary, other actors were doing the same shit I could do easily, but now I want to do (if not exactly but nearly if possible) perfect performance. I have given many auditions (real-&-fake ones) and rarely I felt my performance was good. I may make excuses that most of actors do the same, but making excuses may not lead one to be a good actor I know.

Applying Method is difficult. Using the craft with voice – eyes – and body in a ‘fake acting’ does satisfy neither to actor nor to audience.

I’m not a good actor yet, never been so far, and I feel I have to work much on me. Today’s audition I left, made me to think over ‘me and my craft’. Mind is doing it’s work all time and it’s also much difficult to govern the Mind.

If I really were a good actor that could mesmerize audience with my act, I wouldn’t need to be creating contacts and begging for work to casting directors. It makes me feel very low to beg those casting directors and coordinators for small works.

An actor/artist must be first- ‘master of his craft’, and second- ‘confident on his art’, that may make others to hire him for their projects. If actor is not good, not confident on his craft, he would be like Me at this time.

Yes I have got claps many times on stage even when my part was too small (Guard in Court Martial), and that made me feel being a good actor, but I realise now in auditions that those claps were for performance not me. I came to know that each performance is different and a new challenge, no matter the character is same and done many times. Each time the same lines come in a different way.

Performance matters for an artist. Must be mesmerising. I remember those girls of my Kathak class, looked ten times more beautiful during their practices and performance on stage.

An artist explors himself through his art, and what happens here in auditions? I take those auditions as exams to pass or as a competition to bag the work. I don’t enjoy auditions. I don’t ‘live’ during audition. I don’t find me a good actor at last.

(Photo: Anime Boy In The Rain
by sonamyforeveryay)

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