Again, after a long time, he is in Love with a girl he met few months ago, became friends, and now feels he is in Love. He feels the same pain he used to feel when he was in schools. It seems, his 17 has come back despite his hairs are now gray and he has to colour it black. Yes, it’s not first time he is in Love, but it can be the last one of his life.
He has heard that girls wish to be the last love of men while men want to be the first love of girls. Na, he doesn’t know what she feels for him but he knows if she would Love him, he will not be her first Love. She has told him about her crushes she had earlier with some men, also she had been in Love passionately with some men. He thinks, how frank she is, or how closer she considers him that she lets him to know her secrets.
She comes from a conservative fundamentalist family and with some social boundaries she has, still she is open minded and modern in her thinking has impressed him. Love makes to appreciate other. He doesn’t think of her past, her crushes, boyfriends she had earlier or she has now, what he thinks about her is Her.
It’s not that he has fallen in Love with her suddenly but gradually, taking months long time he realized that he feels happy spending time with her, he thinks much of her and that makes him smiling, forgetting the world.
This feeling of Love is sufficient for him to spend rest of his Life. He doesn’t know how would he feel if she gets married with other parson. “Would he feel happy to see her getting married with person having financial – social security?” He asked himself. Smike faded away.
Girls pretend to be seeking Real Love but later ends up with financial security in their priorities, and it’s called ‘being practical’ oho! But what is wrong with that? We are not living in a society but also in an economy, and this economic – political – social and cultural system has ruined our emotions. He curses these systems and readymade structured models and conducts for living. He is an Anarchist now. He is not sad but worrying because he is not rich. If he proposes her, she would definitely reject him. He thinks he must earn money, became rich and famous, so that when he propose her, she would have to accept him.
It could have made him either criminal or hardworking man to get out of his financial crisis but he now believes in Miracles. He knows hard work has no other option but with smartness that is what has power to create Miracles.
He had started learning both languages years ago and still he is in process.
He has Love in his heart. Love is his only weapon to win this world, and also the only shield to save him from bitterness of this world.
Buddha says winning self is greater than defeating millions of armies. If one gets defeated in battlefield of love, losing himself, and left with pain in heart, can attain his end with smile on his face. He doesn’t know Buddha – Mahavira never ever fell in Love or not. For him, his Nirvana, Moksha, Salvation is her. He thinks, Love is not to be compared with Philosophy.
For him, question is still there: ‘How to let her know?’ He can’t say until the right time comes. Right time may come only if he is rich and with secured future. Being rich is not so easy for him, only if Miracle happens. But he believes in Miracles. Let the Love make happens the Miracle! Love itself has nature to be expressed, revealed. Then why should he thinks so much hopelessly? But this couldn’t make him assured depending on Fate. Efforts matters too.
What if she proposes him? Wouldn’t it be miraculous? He laughs at himself. Why would she Love him? She has more options and better than him. Smile gone.
Thinking of her makes him smile, feeling comfort and happy that is what he gets from her. If she allows him to spend time or hanging out with her becomes like celebration for him. Each moment he is in Love is special for him. He Loves her and this only makes him assured to get her Love in future: ‘having faith on his Love’. He believes if Love is True, seeks it’s way to fulfil itself.
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