Neither Living Nor Acting!

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Everyday I go out, roaming around auditioning areas, running studios to studios asking for auditions if I’m fit for required look. I keep visiting tv serials’ production houses time to time, and in this process I meet several actors everyday, some of them have become my friends too.

Most of actors I see there are either looking for work, or willing to be famous through TVCs/tv serials, or to earn money and fame both. These non-established actors are called ‘strugglers’ though nowadays this ‘struggler’ word sounds insulating to some of them, rather, they feel proud calling themselves ‘actors’. This is good, absolutely. Some of them work on their skill but that is also because it helps them to get work. Nobody I see there crazy for acting. I rarely see anyone celebrating their performance, not even me, I’m also not a good actor in that way and I admit that auditions are like exams for me. I also do not enjoy my act while performing in front of camera. If I ever could be able to  enjoy my own act, I would be beyond of all categories, being a good or bad actor would be useless question for me. I’m neither trained from any institute like NSD, FTII, BNA etc. nor studied in abroad. All I think me an actor is because I have been in theatre for years and it was only option after I left my preparation for IAS.

Being an actor is not an easy task. It’s more than mugging up lines to say before camera. It’s really Bigger and Real than Life, and really I’m not a good actor.

What should I say now? If I say ‘I want to be an actor’ then question is ‘what I had been doing so far?’

Osho says ‘Live as you are acting, and act as you are Living’ claps! But dear friend Osho, it’s not easy though all of us are acting in our real life, in different characters before different people, and you are not alive to explain your words. Well I have to agree with you Osho, knowing I’m neither a goot actor nor Living my life properly.

(Photo: Me at Juhu Beach)

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