Mummy you left us on 25th of March. You died in morning around 10am – 11am on this bed I’m on and writing this time. I knew it was your death anniversary today but I really didn’t miss you whole day. Ok, I’m missing you now, this time. And yes I’m sad but I’m more sad because you couldn’t understand me in your later days, because I couldn’t prove myself to you. You would always take favour of your ‘so called loving son’. I’m sad because you didn’t understand why I sacrificed my golden years cleaning home, cookings and being an honest, obedient son of parents.
It’s said that deads shouldn’t be criticized, but if I miss you, I have to criticise too. Without criticising you I can’t miss you. You were not so rich, but you had ego of having money because most of our relatives were poor, and those who were not poor, they didn’t care about us. You see, now your ‘ignored son’ is poor, unemployed, broke, dependent, sad. You thought only were good and rest of the world is either bad or not worth to be friend with you. Those who were financially and intellectually better than you, you would consider them ‘not likeminded people’.
You still don’t know I had been crying for 60 hours continue. It was not to check my magical powers. I couldn’t prove I loved you and you always ignored me in your later days. I really don’t want to be like you! If I could, I would hate you!
Maybe in your last few months you had understood me was right. Maybe you had understood why your ‘most loved son’ did not take care of you while he was financially capable and you thought him ‘your best suitable inherent’ because of government job. I’m not sad because you never said sorry to me. Why would you say sorry to me? You were crushed under your ego! Your ego led you nowhere. Your ego made you ignoring and underestimate me. You were blind by your ego. You were easy for those who would praise you. I didn’t praise you. I’m sad because I couldn’t make you understand that I was not jealous of your ‘most loved son’. I just wanted you to be aware of those praisings which were nothing but to keep you fooling.
I really don’t want to miss you but unfortunately I can’t forget you because you brought me in this world. Whenever I miss you, I become sad, not for you but for me. I had much to talk with you but you didn’t listen me. You were blind of fake appreciations by your ‘so called loving caring son’ who actually disliked you. You forgot how he had fired us from his house and we had to leave on 9th of that Feb? And you remember when he called on your number again so that you could help him to get married? Didn’t I made you aware of all these his behaviours and words? And you would thought me jealous of him! I’m sad for this too.
I could have forgiven you even if you had a bit realisation of what sin you have made against me. You see, I have not forgiven you so far, and I you can’t come back to apologize right? Mummy, I can’t forgive you forever, though I don’t know when I’m going to die and how. You died with my cursings and it proves that even a mother makes a sin against her son, she also has to observe the result. I don’t know if you take rest in peace.