Animal Within Me!

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I’m not what I say about me. I’m not what I think to be. I’m also not what I was in past.
I’m what I do in given situation.

The instinct I have inside me, I recognize it as an animal. Everybody has an or more animals inside them but rarely one recognizes it.

This instinct is not genetic, not heretic, not even created by self. Its what one is in the deepest core of him in his mind. Nehal Pandya was a handicapped girl, unable to walk, but when there was earthquake in Bhuj, she ran towards the door leaving her wheelchair behind. That’s her instinct she had but was hidden till the earthquake of Bhuj. People may call it ‘By God’s Grace’ or ‘Miracle’ for Nehal but isn’t it her own hidden power that refused to be seated on wheelchair when the earthquake happened?

I may say ‘I will fight for you’ but when time comes I don’t stand for you, it means my words were just what I wanted to be. ‘Willing to be’ and ‘want to be’ – both are not what ‘I am’. Same with ‘I was’ that is past. Sometimes words seem fake, and that’s not lie.

Instinct is what man does without thinking, without planning, but when the time comes. Instinct makes one do what is in his nature. Two people born and raised in same environment behave different on same given situation. If they are attacked in same way same time, they will use different method to save themselves.

Someone asked to J. Krishnamurti what he should do when he is attacked, Jiddu replied that it’s not matter what one should or not do, one does how his character has been constructed for. Hui said ‘I would run’, one of my friend in school said ‘I would fight’, but that is all their thought not the truth. Truth reveals itself when the time comes.

What I would do if I will have no home, I think sometimes. I make plans for being a monk or do add jobs to earn money, etc. but who knows what I will do ? Maybe I would go die starving (Sallekhana). We can’t judge someone for his doings in particular situation. One does what his instinct makes him do. A girl was raped and his boyfriend was asked why didn’t he save the girl. Asaram a fake godman said if the girl would have imagined those rapists as her brother, she wouldn’t have been raped.

One’s character is his act not words. And thus we don’t know about ourselves too. We can not guess other’s doing for given circumstances. Tomato & Egg become oppsit after getting boiled. Same with people. Given circumstances are same for all but someone raised himself while someone gives up, surrenders.

I can’t say what makes one stronger than others. I even can’t say who proves himself stronger then other and in which situation. ‘Panther’ was our pet bitch when I was kid. Some kids of our area made her fighting with neighbour’s dog which was a little bigger than our Panther. Initially she was reluctant and a bit afraid for fighting but later after few minuts when she found the kids wouldn’t allow her to flee from the fight, she fought strongly and beat that dog. At the end, Panther was winner of the fight.

Panther was physically weaker and smaller than the dog but it was her instinct that made her winner. What animal was inside Panther that time? Was that animal who made Nehal running to escape from earthquake? ‘Animal’ is not proper word for that instinct. It was the instinct that made Siddharth an enlightened Buddha otherwise he could be a great emperor also.

Mystery continues and unfolds itself when the time comes. Till then are strangers to ourselves.

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