I was at a seminar for “Creative Writing” at Mumbai Exhibition Centre, Goregaon East. The speaker asked the mass;
>> Who all want to be fun for others here?
Some of there including me raised our hands. Then he said;
>> Write any three animals’ names first come in your mind.
We wrote names in our notebooks. He then asked,
>> Who wants to be first?
I raised my hand.
>> Read those three animals’ names aloud.
Me : Wolf, Tiger, Dog.
>> It means, you think yourself a Wolf, people consider you a Tiger but the fact is, you are a Dog.
It was just for fun the speaker made us to play the game. He meant for that to know;
* what we think ourselves is actually what we are hoping for
* what people consider us is eggzaggereted or larger form of what we are showing them
* we are actually lessor than what we show to people
I love wolves because I think it’s the creature having all characteristics I want to be in me :-
– Daring, Courageous
– Danger Alone when Hungry
– Powerful in Pack
– Smart to Persevere in any condition
– Mysterious inside
– Alone Independent
– Leader of the Pack
Someof my friends and relatives would consider me smart, clever, successful in future.
I’m proved a Dog!
It’s not that my image to people was always enlarged. I was many times underestimated also but then had broken the image to prove myself, for instance, qualifying UGC’s NET/JRF exam in 2005.
My expectations to myself become then bigger than what I was actually. I discontinued preparation for Ph.D. and moved ahead for Civil Services but sadly, I couldn’t crack even prelims in 5 attempts. Still, my image to people was unbroken but I understood that I must dissolve the scene.
Came to Mumbai 3rd time with a little hope to get my place here in TV and movies.
Result : Unsuccessful
1982 was a Dog year according to Chinese Astrology. Whereis the Sun claimed to represent my personality and lead my carrier path?
“Knowing Yourself”, they say, is must.
I’m still in the process to Know Myself, and here I see myself as Chubba, our pet dog who was one of Teera’s sons from Kaari (Mammo). Chubba remained a good dog entire his life with no fame outside of our mohalla, he never fought with other dogs, served people, never bitten anyone. He was not famous like Teera & Kaari but earned a little love from people. No doubt, Teera was much better than Chubba, disappeard in later days while old Chubba died in front of our home. He was poisond by municipalities workers.
The speaker made us to play the small game to understand his theory of writing but it relates to me in other form.
My friend wrote three insects’ names. Speaker didn’t spent time over others.
I don’t know there is any Atman, Soul, Jeeva, Rooh inside living beings.
Jeevni Shakti to be working and Consciousness to be aware, exist together though they can be understood and felt separately.
The nature of one is The BEAST one has to know/recognize within.
The BEATS inside me, if it’s wolf, it’s sad, depressed and sleeping.
Saturday, July 9, 2016