I’m not doing anything!
I’m in Mumbai for more than four years and still I’m nothing. I have no contacts in production houses, no friendship with casting directors. I’m almost wasting my time in Mumbai as an actor. I feel ashamed to be claimed as an actor. I didn’t mention ‘Actor’ on my social service contact links (Facebook, Google, LinkedIn, TrueCaller, Blogs) until 16th of August 2015, last year, my ad for Sharon Plywood was released officially. Since then ‘Actor’ is an unnecessary weight on my social site contact links. If I’m an actor, I must be working as an actor. If I’m not working as an actor, I’m not an actor. Sometimes, this is why I keep my Facebook deactivated.
Today I went to Link Plaza building to seek auditions. Before 97, I was sitting on a bench lying there. Someone beside me, I don’t know his name, asked me what do I do. I was not willing to talk anyone. And that guy, I know his face, is a cheap coordinator. I didn’t respond to him. He asked me again “Are you in film line?”
“What do you do? Are you in casting?”
“Why are you asking for?”
“Na nothing.. I’m an artist..so just asking..”
“Note down my email id, send your profile.”
“With whom do you do casting?”
“Do you know Himalaya, Shruti Mahajan, Shanoo in yashraaj….?”
I was not looking at him. I was ignoring him because I didn’t like my peace was broken. I was not willing to reply anyone. He kept saying –
“Himalaya is my friend…”
I nodded my head but reading msgs on my mobile.
“You note down my e-mail just send your profile.” I was to stop the conversation. He was asking continue-
“How much do you charge commission?”
“Depends on projects”
“Which all projects you have coordinated for?”
“I never did anything great.”
“For which company do you do coordination?”
I had to finish the talking..
“Where is your office?”
“113, Aram Nagar Part-1”
I had to repeat the address again. And someone knows him approaches to us and so I got rid of that unwanted talker.
Few things I came to know about me –
I was furious, angry.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
I was sad for my situation (I’m still sad)
I was unhappy.
My unhappiness made me to be quiet and sitting there without any purpose though I could have asked people for audition updates.
No work, no plans, no money made me rude. One may guess me an egoistic person, rude, with full of attitude. And I’m so.
I went to Bhagat Singh nagar to meet friends and spent rest of the day there.
I’m not feeling good without earning money, without fame, without recognition in Bollywood. I feel I’m uselessly lying here with no purpose. I have no plan for tomorrow. I don’t have future in spiritual sense but in practicality, it kills.
23:13 Tuesday 20th December 2016