29th December 2016, Thursday 

​I cannot understand this world. I cannot understand people. Most of times I’m failed to understand everything outside of me. Even inside of me, many happenings are not revealed to me. What I know is my limitation, and what I can understand is my capability, what I can do is my area. I’m nothing but a small particle, of this universe.

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I’m not feeling to teach Tai Chi. I know what? Just 24, 48 & 32 (sword) only. Also i don’t know how to apply those movements in fighting. What if one asks me applications of movements? …ok, if one pays me fees, I will have to teach Tai Chi, on my terms and conditions, still I cannot teach fighting.

 

Today I went to garden early, after warm-up I started practicing Tai Chi at 07:04 am, two other guys asked me to teach them Tai Chi, I politely refused their request. They are there to learn Kungfu, their teacher charges 700/- rupees and they want me to teach them Tai Chi. I made an excuse ‘I don’t have enough patience to teach Tai Chi, though you can join me my practices.’
I find me financially weak to live alone. I’m not earning enough money to survive. Sometimes I think, being Tai Chi teacher can be another option but suddenly I’m filled with guilt – Chi Chi, Melody & Hui taught me Tai Chi without money, why should I charge money from others then?? – And I drop the idea to teach Tai Chi.

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Casting coordination is not so good. It’s boring. Artists who are working, are either busy or ask for money. Budget is always low. I cannot do it lifelong. I need work, I can enjoy my freedom with fame and prosperity. I need respect, love, popularity, as well. Well, ..I don’t know future.

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09:23 am Thursday 29th December 2016

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