Same thing happened what I had doubt.
I was shortlisted for an audition for Samsung but when I reached yesterday at venue, I was told that I’m ‘not-fit’. This not-fit has stuck with me for a long time. I don’t know how to be Fit and Selected. Ok, my clothes are old, I find myself with me when casting person says me not-fit.
Many times I have thought to change the field. I have once applied for call-centre job but didn’t go to join. Sometimes I think to become Tai Chi teacher but I’m not professional and I have no certificates. I’m not from any institution. My friends are Yoga teachers and one of them is earning well. They use Yoga teaching as their side-business apart from acting. I lack confidence – I cannot digest questions when I’m asked about my depth. I always look myself down and so people then start to underestimate me. I’m not valued what I’m actually. Yes sometimes people overestimate me. Haan, I’m dog, I think myself wolf and people think me tiger. And opposite also happens.
In a production house the director said ‘mail your profile, if there would be anything we will call you’ ..the same answer I had been listening from so many casting persons in four years. Now it will be 5th year completed in June 19th. I’m still like newcomers, blind, naive, and much hesitant parson. Everyone can feel my hesitation until we become friends. The casting person asked asked me yesterday ‘where are you from?’ Answer is too simple ‘I’m from MP’ but my voice and way of replying was too weak. I can’t say I’m fantastic actor but I’m not good in communication, I’m hesitant parson, I’m shy, I’m somewhat timid. Yes I’m not confident also. But, there must be a way for me too. I’m not always failure. Sometimes I succeeded too. Haan, I never been on top, I never went into depth or peak of anything, but I have something developed in me, and I’m proud of it.
23:28 Monday 9th January 2017