Sheikh Chilli – Between Two 

It seems two options I will have in near future :
1. To be Yoga – Tai Chi teacher

2. To be doing street plays
I don’t know which option I will choose or which option will be better for me for survival. I’m not sure for which I would find me comfortable and which would be better for me. I see me not getting good and continue work in acting so it is necessary for me to have another and alternative option.
If I do street plays, continually, it would be beneficial financially and for skill too. I will always be charged and ready to perform. If we get the project, that will make our mind economically free and I would be focused on acting well. Project maybe for few months to years, I’m not sure. It will take time and I may have to be outing for days.
Teaching Yoga also is good. It takes one hour class per day, that may continue for months. If I do this, I will have enough time to work on my skill. I may also include Tai Chi with Yoga. It depends on which type of students I will have and how I will treat with them. Also I have to be perfect on my postures and with knowledge about Tai Chi & Yoga. I may be doing it in Mumbai and no need to do outing.
Sheikh Chilli used to imagine much about his future and my thinking about alternatives is same with him. I know I’m not sure for future. I’m not sure what I will do. I don’t know when how and by which way I will get fame, popularity, prosperity. I don’t know either I ever get them in my life or not.
If I have to continue my Yoga teacher training Class, I have to skip learning Tai Chi – 85. I see time is not in my hand. I see my mind is greedy. I see, mind follow future ignoring my present. I had been skipping opportunities when I got. I want to learn more, Tai Chi. I need financial security as well. Future seems always wooing my mind. I’m vulnerable. I’m not firm. To have firmness in determination, one has to sacrifice many things. I try do so many things at the same time and finally I’m with nothing.
 I like to do act, no matter if it is street plays. If it pays me well, if it gets me fame and opportunity in field, I would do it. It also would help me to be in acting circle. I want to do Tai Chi & Yoga as well. It would help me spiritually as well. But I see me not perfect in anything, in any skill. I’m not at peak of anything.
According to Sartre, one himself chooses/makes his future. I have to choose one from teaching Yoga & Tai Chi or doing street plays. I don’t know what will come to me first and what I would chose. Maybe, again this time I will be empty hands, who knows. But this is the limit. I can’t bear it anymore.
21:20 Friday 3rd February 2017


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