Cursed Street Performer!!

​It was cancer day today but it was stupid to do this street plays for cancer. I did it and continued in rehearsals to think they would pay us something. Later I came to know that they would not pay us. Then, today, at cancer day, we did three street plays for them, under their banner, and now I’m going back. Standing at Bandra Talao bus stop, waiting for bus 33 or 241. If this is life of artists, then I hate this. No earnings and wasting money-time-energy for nothing.
Two shows were on Juhu beach. We got good response from audience but it was for what and whom? Those people were to enjoy their time only. We ate sandwiches after both of the shows and left to Bandra Carter Road. Two girls from an NGO had no permission for Joggers Park. We had to go to Carter Road where people initially took objection on us. Girls from NGO said they had permission only then watchman allowed us to perform (though the NGO didn’t have permission letter from police). These people sitting on benches in Carter Road are English-speaking educated, belong to rich or upper middle class people. They didn’t had even a look on us what we were doing. Some people left their benches when we started the play. 
I’m in 214, going back to home. Feeling is not good. It feels like I’m stupid. I spent my four days, money and energy for what?? Going to home with no payment, no satisfaction, ..poor cursed performers. (20:15)
Reached home, had dinner.

Only celebrity actors enjoy their lives in full. Other continuity characters of tv serials are also in very good position. They also enjoy stardom level in small screen. Ok some theatre artists from established groups are considered good but they have to work hard to maintain that. Rest, like me, unknown, performing on streets, without payment, looking for sponsors, are artists with cursed lives. If one says he enjoys his poverty as theatre artist means he is ignoring fact deliberately.
— if I’m not rich, if I’m not earning money, if I’m unhappy with my life, doesn’t mean I have to criticize rich people. They enjoy their life because they have got the chance.
— Too much noise is here!

Tv is on. I need to close eyes not sleep.

If I’m not doing anything, that would be seen as abnormal activity. This is strange! Every time one has to be doing something — if he is normal according to society. One is not allowed to sit with open/half closed/closed eyes doing nothing. This is really irritating, tiresome!
21:56 Saturday 4th February 2017

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