I was asked ‘you do anything, any job, any work, be coolie, but earn money.’ I said, ‘either I will get projects for street plays or I will leave to Jabalpur.’ Deadline was 30 June 2017.
I was asked again, ‘what is going on?’
‘Then do something!’
‘I will leave to Jabalpur’
‘What is there in Jabalpur? You have some planning?’
‘You no need to think about it.’
And, finally, on Guru Purnima, I left home!
It was not a decision I took suddenly. I had been looking for dates, because I had been being humiliated, feeling embarrassed, losing self respect. I had feelings of unsuccessful, failure, defeated and I had to face it everyday and sometimes if front of others.
Chi Chi asked me if I would like to come to Surat with them. I agreed, and on 8th at Guru Purnima, I though left home but went to Surat not Jabalpur. I informed my Chinese friends that I have left home and would go to Jabalpur after coming from Surat. In Surat they suggested me to get job. When we came back, I was ready to go but they asked me to stay one night and then during dinner was tried to convince that I should not leave. They had given me a book months ago to translate, I was asked to complete that. I stayed there at Fotang, 10 to 13 June and on 13rd at 1 pm I left for Gondia. I am in Balaghat now at Shafi’s clinic. I didn’t know the train to Jabalpur is not running and I have to take bus for that.
After Guru Purnima, I am floating like a dead & dried leave on earth. I have no choice, no thought of tomorrow. Future seems buried, and past has been disappeared. Present is just this.
I have got mobile charger and time at Shafi’s clinic, to write all these. Don’t know when to publish.
15:38 Friday, 14 July 2017