Everyone knows how to earn money. Everyone earns money. I ignored earning money when I was young and I see now I am too late to realize that I am not good to earn money.
I may do non-profitable work though.
Nowadays, everyone, whom I meet, starts telling me to earn money. They just begin with importance of money for survival. Today, Bh. Karunapal suggested me to take Robe in area so that I will be getting food in my surroundings. He recalled when he had no food for three days and many such difficulties he had to face after getting Chivar.
On 13rd when I was in train to Gondia, three passengers were Buddhists but one of them was cleverer than others. He took voluntarily retirement, got money, placed his only sone on the same job, still taking pension and managing an NGO as a president. His words were ‘wake up and you start spending money.’ Of course he was right. I am stupid.
I remain immatured.
Shafi also is fighting for stable and secured financial life. I am in train with no thought for tomorrow. I have less than one thousand in pocket and two bags only. I have survived on snacks given by Chi Chi and did lunch today at Shailendra’s place. Three packets are still there.
It’s raining outside. The train is supposed to reach Hz. Nizamuddin around 12. I don’t know how to reach Loni Road Buddha Vihar. I don’t know if they don’t accept me as Shramner. I have an optional move in mind to be beck to Mumbai seeking Rahula Bodhi in Ghatkopar. But I don’t want to go to home again.
I met my elder brother on a Chai tapri near Lokhandwala, after coming from Surat. I said I am not interested to talk to him. I was then about to leave, he asked why? I said him to leave then. I am still not happy with them.
22:13 Saturday 15th July 2017
Master showed us a small chalk, less than one inch long, and asked, ‘Is it small?’
Then he showed a little longer chalk compared to the previous one, almost one and a half inches long, and asked, ‘Is it also the small?’
‘No. It’s bigger’ people say.
‘Actually, both chalks are in or with their length. They are not competitors to prove themselves smaller or bigger than the other. It’s our mind which is comparing them’ I said.
I am also not in any competition or race. I am not to defeat anyone. I compare things in far-near, black-white, wheatish-brown.. to use common sense not to look-down anyone, anything. When I am compared with people – they are rich, they have bought their homes, they have cars.. – I am put into the race in which I never wanted to be. I don’t compare that – do they know Tai Chi? They did theatre? They know meditation skils? ..but yes, money, which was a medium to ease exchange things but has become main cause for all kinds of Evils, is necessary. And I am not good to have it.
Both of the chalks never even have the idea what human beings were talking about them. Chalks do not have consciousness, life.
We human beings are cursed to have comparing mind.
22:29 Thursday 22nd June 2017
I think, same like Ambedkar and Lohia, India is not a proper place to apply Marxism in its original way. Ambedkar was though against Marxism, Lohia wanted it to modify according to Indian social problems.
Its true that Marxism is an outside thought which is not 100% applicable in this south Asian subcontinent. Our society is divided and categorized into many levels and castes. Each caste is lower than many castes and above too. The lowest categories of caste are not enough strong to rebel against upper castes. Marxism talks about economic society but here a financially strong person from lower caste is a victim of social discrimination. Dalits from Saharanpur are politically and socially poor but they are not beggars. They have sense of self-respect and this is what they’re fighting for. Dalits want social equality not to be above than upper castes. Here Marxism can not help them. In Jabalpur, 2006-07, I heard someone saying – ‘I’m Brahmins, how could I chew tobacco made by him? He is Rajput and I’m Brahmin.’ — two Labourers on same financial financial status but from different castes are not one for their rights. Marxism fails here.
They talk about science, scientific laws are same everywhere, ok, but when it comes on casteism, scientific laws can be seen crying to seek space. Casteism is though a social evil of Hindus and Hinduism but it has contaminated all people of south Asian subcontinent. Marxists never try to remove casteism of their own. I see many marxists using surnames with their names and getting married within same castes only. Marxists have no daring to go out and reject Casteism in their practical personal life. Marxism fails here too.
I like Marxism because it’s good for everyone, to make financially equal society if there is no casteism. Until, casteism is removed, Marxism will remain just an ideology for sophisticated people doing mental exercise in small gatherings.
10:23 a.m. Friday 19th May 2017
Try to see what is happening inside.
Television channels are busy praising current CM of Uttar Pradesh who belongs to Nath Sect of Shaiva Religion.
Jaina and Buddhism were the most strongest in ancient south Asian subcontinent, then, Shaiva and Shakt became one to oppose Vaishnavas and Vedics. Social and philosophical conflict was obvious between Vaishnava & Shaiva. According to some historians, Shashank, a king of Gaud kingdom, current Assam, Bengal and Bihar, had ruined 84 Buddhist Monasteries. Kulottung-II or Kulottung-III used to hate Vaishnava so much that he got thrown Vishnu’s statue in ocean. Emperor Harsha was also influenced by Shaivas as it was his secondary faith after Buddhism. Well, Shaiva was successful to win hearts of commoners as well and so many saints like Lakulish were popular among people especially in south Indian region.
If one studies faiths and beliefs of this south Asian subcontinent, he will understand that ‘Hindu’ words has been used by Brahmins to bring all faiths under one name, to organize people against Christianity in British India. They couldn’t organize people as Hindu against Islamic Rulers because that time this subcontinent was divided in many sovereign kingdoms. Persians could never been a threat for Brahminic system but still in ancient time all outsiders and intruders were ‘Mlechchha’ or ‘Untouchable, Lower’ people.
This is a conspiracy still being played by clever Religious thugs who cleverly use the term for political purpose. Politically people of India are Indians and not Hindustani. They claim all Hindustanis are Hindu!? This conspiracy proved unsuccessful when its comes for Jaina and Buddhism. Dr. Ambedkar had great wisdom that he could understand the conspiracy. I see the Mass Conversion of 1956 not only an escape for lower castes from Brahminic social illness but a revenge from Brahminic hierarchy.
If one is aware about philosophy, history and conflicts of social-cultural-groups, he could easily understand the conspiracy by Brahmins have been being played with innocence people following other faiths in South Asian Subcontinent.
These all happens inside after collecting informations from outside. Tv news channels are not trustworthy. They are not voice of people.
02:05 am Monday, 27th March 2017
It was a shoot for UltraTech Cement today. I had given an audition for the ad and I got selected by the casting person. She called me few days ago and said the payment is low.
I had just lost an opportunity for IPL ad shoot a day before she called me, so I didn’t want to lose this ad. She said the payment in some hundreds and I heard in thousands. It was my misunderstanding. I said OK. She also asked me my friends in poor look and in same budget, so I sent her some pics of my friends and two of them also got selected for the ad without audition through photographs. Both of my friends came today without complaining about low payment. I’m thankful to Vinod Saroj and Azim Khalique.
It was a one-day shoot, a holi sequence, finished around 7pm. Because the payment was low, I thought it would be Cash-On-Hand but it was not. Again, I’m thankful to Vinod Saroj and Azim Khalique for their patience. They didn’t complain.
I tried to get some more contacts but the lady assistant director didn’t give me her number. I could not dare to ask yhe director for his contract number.
The shoot was finished, without any bad incident. It would be my 3rd Advertisement but I’m almost invisible there. They used me any friends as Passings though we are actors. I’m thankful to Everyone, I needed work and I got. Ok, for the payment is low and I’m in crowd, it will not be helpful for my profile ..but I did this Ad, and it matters for me.
In photo, from left to right –
Vinod Saroj, another actor, Anuj Arya, Raquib, and I’m in centre
22:46 Wednesday 1st March 2017
Actually I’m wrong here!
It is my part I did not do well. Who stopped me? Sometimes it was me and sometimes outside obstacles – but real fight was within that was ignored – and outer obstacles could have been managed.
Excuses find their way in lazy mind.
It was me accepted what I was told and taught. I didn’t rely on myself and and happened what, ‘zero result.’ If I could have been on my path, it would be mine no matter in my favour or not but the result would be mine. Here I see a chain of excuses, being good person, trying to keep clean image, obedience, cultures, ..
One is clever, drinks wine, smokes weed, having affairs with various women, – doesn’t matter if socially and financially he is strong. MB Tughlaque had great plannings but outcome made historians to criticize him. Result makes one’s history.
When I will take my last breath, I hope the result would be enough to take me for a better path.
(05:31 a.m. Wednesday 15th February 2017)
Weaker are they who never ran away from their homes. Hope they can have courage to rebel against family and run from home!
19:07 Wednesday 15th February 2017
It was the last day of Chinese New Year yesterday. It was a small function at fotang. I was in rehearsal so I reached there too late. DCS’ speech was almost finished. People already had their dinner. We wrote our wishes and greetings in cards and stuck on Wishing Tree. DCS gave an envelope to each person there. Inside the envelope there were one note of ten rupees, considered ‘Lucky Money’ and ‘Blessing From God’ is a thought about person. I got thought number 38 whuch is “Do not overwhelmed by your emotions and you will make up for the shortcomings of others.” I don’t understand this actually. I had to check dictionary to know meaning of ‘make-up for’ and ‘shortcoming.’
According to Chinese Astrology, the new year is of Rooster. Everyone will born this year will have Zodiac of Rooster. My Chinese Zodiac is Dog (water dog). Astrology says people born in rooster Zodiac are not good for people born in dog Zodiac. Same way, the new year is not good for dog (Zodiac). According to numerology 2017 will be good for me but I don’t know. I’m not confident. I’m not confirmed about myself to survive independently.
So it was the first day of New Year also birthday of Laughing Buddha and No Moon Day as well. Fotang was fully decorated by offerings and New Year decoration. They had invited a new person to receive Tao and asked me to explain three treasures to him. So this is how it was my first time I stood behind podium and delivered the speech explaining three treasures. Some points I forgot to mention and one point about rebirth, I skipped deliberately.
People are not fool. They understand everything. It’s possible for a while to keep them not aware about your black shade but by time they know everything.
If anyone asks me what I’m doing nowadays, I have nothing to say in reply. I see my feelings to learn Tai Chi more. I find Yoga too very nice. I wish to teach Tai Chi & Yoga professionally as my optional way of survival. The Fotang will have no objections they said me today but I still say, I’m not greedy of money, I want fame and popularity more. I do not hide my intentions. Melody said, fame is given to some people only, I should just do my work. And yes, she os right. Some people had to face defamation when they tried to earn fame through cheap way.
About ‘Lucky Money’, it’s still in the envelope. I’m not superstitious in that way but I wish to keep it safe in my wallet. I know it helps not to bring money but I want to keep that ’10 rupees note’ safe till next year.
Need to sleep.
(Picture was sent by Hui on messenger)
23:40 Saturday 28th January 2017