Everyone knows how to earn money. Everyone earns money. I ignored earning money when I was young and I see now I am too late to realize that I am not good to earn money.
I may do non-profitable work though.
Nowadays, everyone, whom I meet, starts telling me to earn money. They just begin with importance of money for survival. Today, Bh. Karunapal suggested me to take Robe in area so that I will be getting food in my surroundings. He recalled when he had no food for three days and many such difficulties he had to face after getting Chivar.
On 13rd when I was in train to Gondia, three passengers were Buddhists but one of them was cleverer than others. He took voluntarily retirement, got money, placed his only sone on the same job, still taking pension and managing an NGO as a president. His words were ‘wake up and you start spending money.’ Of course he was right. I am stupid.
I remain immatured.
Shafi also is fighting for stable and secured financial life. I am in train with no thought for tomorrow. I have less than one thousand in pocket and two bags only. I have survived on snacks given by Chi Chi and did lunch today at Shailendra’s place. Three packets are still there.
It’s raining outside. The train is supposed to reach Hz. Nizamuddin around 12. I don’t know how to reach Loni Road Buddha Vihar. I don’t know if they don’t accept me as Shramner. I have an optional move in mind to be beck to Mumbai seeking Rahula Bodhi in Ghatkopar. But I don’t want to go to home again.
I met my elder brother on a Chai tapri near Lokhandwala, after coming from Surat. I said I am not interested to talk to him. I was then about to leave, he asked why? I said him to leave then. I am still not happy with them.
22:13 Saturday 15th July 2017
I was asked ‘you do anything, any job, any work, be coolie, but earn money.’ I said, ‘either I will get projects for street plays or I will leave to Jabalpur.’ Deadline was 30 June 2017.
I was asked again, ‘what is going on?’
‘Then do something!’
‘I will leave to Jabalpur’
‘What is there in Jabalpur? You have some planning?’
‘You no need to think about it.’
And, finally, on Guru Purnima, I left home!
It was not a decision I took suddenly. I had been looking for dates, because I had been being humiliated, feeling embarrassed, losing self respect. I had feelings of unsuccessful, failure, defeated and I had to face it everyday and sometimes if front of others.
Chi Chi asked me if I would like to come to Surat with them. I agreed, and on 8th at Guru Purnima, I though left home but went to Surat not Jabalpur. I informed my Chinese friends that I have left home and would go to Jabalpur after coming from Surat. In Surat they suggested me to get job. When we came back, I was ready to go but they asked me to stay one night and then during dinner was tried to convince that I should not leave. They had given me a book months ago to translate, I was asked to complete that. I stayed there at Fotang, 10 to 13 June and on 13rd at 1 pm I left for Gondia. I am in Balaghat now at Shafi’s clinic. I didn’t know the train to Jabalpur is not running and I have to take bus for that.
After Guru Purnima, I am floating like a dead & dried leave on earth. I have no choice, no thought of tomorrow. Future seems buried, and past has been disappeared. Present is just this.
I have got mobile charger and time at Shafi’s clinic, to write all these. Don’t know when to publish.
15:38 Friday, 14 July 2017
What one knows and what all informations one has, proves useless when the time comes. One acts and behaves according to his instinct, that is inner personality one gets developed through his environment, society, family, incidents happened with him, conclusions, teachings, opinions, ..somewhat impressions of memories by previous experiences.
Few days ago I was sitting in infinity, reading ‘The Secret Of The Golden Flower,’ a girl with mic approached to me, one cameraman and another girl also was with her, she was asking some people if they know about GST. When she asked the person beside me, he could not answer her with little embarrassment. She came near to me and asked ‘excuse me, do you know about GST?’ I was reading the book and her question was a disturbing for me, I said ‘I am reading something and I am not willing to talk this time.’ She left.
At least I could have replied the full form of GST, or would have replied something funny but happened what? I left her with an arrogant image of mine in her mind and their camera.
Few days ago the person disturbed my secret meditation, also a realisation that I am not open to people and I use arrogance, egoist mask to prevent myself from society.
— The inner is like that.
They believe, instinct too can be created.
I am not sure.
A young boy around his 17, student of 11 or 12 class, had completed Shramner Shivir already, killed two kids and their mother. It was ‘triple murder case’ of Sarekha-Kosmi in 2008 or 2010. The murderer boy then informed to police and after one week he shifted in another house in front of my home in Kosmi. His inner made him to kill his landlord lady and her two kids. He was cleverer than professional murderers and I don’t think he learned it from professionals.
The inner is Mysterious One. All emotions and thoughts come from it and it’s only makes one react on outside world. How it works, how it makes equations with outer world, is a mystery for me. I feel a kind of irritation to see reports provoking extreme nationalism or spreading hate against neighbouring nations on TV news channels.
It’s not so simple. Or it maybe that simple, I cannot understand.
20:16 Wednesday 5th July 2017
There are three universes, they say –
Outside but under the Sky
Unseen/which is still hidden/Secret
Person, knows something about him but not all. Here individual’s universe which is hidden is mysterious.
Outside world- under the Sky, inside oceans, hidden in earth and far beyond the limits in universe – something we know but not all.
Here, the unknown is hidden and mysterious.
Something which one feels but generally not notices and ignores. If notices but not careful about the experience. If carefully experiences, but cannot explain – is hidden and mysterious.
The hidden is mysterious because one cannot reach to it. For one, who reaches there, everything is opened and clear, brighten and shining.
02:14 a.m. Monday 19th June 2017
Wo – Sariputta asked to Buddha, what should be his behaviour in front of women. Buddha said – “Don’t meet women.” Sariputta asked – “What if they come across?” Buddha replied – “Don’t see them.” Sariputta clarifies his question – “If they talk to me, then?” Buddha answered – “Reply them with mindfulness!”
This mindfulness is the same mentioned in Satipatthan, in each act, even in breathing, eating, when one urinets,
Wo – ..even in sleeping, they say.
Ta – Is that possible? Sleeping with knowing?
Wo – I know knowing in patches that lasts for seconds to minutes.
Ta – And enlightened ones are those with mindfulness all time.
Wo – I think so.
Ta – You are influenced by Jiddu. You are jealous of Osho. You find similarities with UG.
Wo – Ok.
Ta – If you didn’t know to Jiddu, Osho, UG, you would be stealing thoughts from Buddha, Mahavira, Ajita, Makkali Ghoshal. Tell me if Osho hadn’t introduced Gurdgeff to you, you knew him?
Wo – Na. Osho was a knowing person. He had studied a lot.
Ta – Your talking doesn’t contain your words. Your way is actually way of Jiddu. You see, observe, analyse, things as Joddu does.
Wo – Ok.
Ta – What would you be without Jiddu?
Wo – I don’t know. You also don’t know, I think.
Ta – You should be yourself. You should find out your own way of thinking. You must practice for that. Stealing or adopting someone’s way will not make you en enlightened one.
Wo – Right.
Ta – What are you doing for that?
Wo – Do I need to do something for that?
Ta – If you want to be an enlightened one, that knowing, aware person.
Wo – Until one drops the ‘want,’ attachment is there.
Ta – Knowing is also there.
Wo – Ha.
Ta – And knowing liberates, right?
Wo – Yes.
Ta – Are you a knowing one?
Wo – In patches.
19:40 Friday 2nd June 2017
Ta – What are Doors to receive informations from outside world?
Wo – Doors for getting information from outside world are –
Chinese philosophy doesn’t include Skin in Five Senses. Rather they accept Consciousness, Intellect, Ability to Judge Right and Wrong. Indian philosophies recognize it as Sixth Sense. Western people misunderstand it with Intuitions. Dreams, Imaginations, Hypothesis, are not the main controller, the Master. All Indian philosophies even Charwaka accepted Sixth Sense as Swa Vivek, Intellect.
Ta – The Master, seems helpless, handicapped without Senses.
Wo – Here I have something not clear for me. Of course, without Senses, the Master is helpless to receive informations from outside world. But we should know that the Master knows everything. It may know something without Senses. It may also know something which is beyond the limits of our senses.
Ta – What is not clear in that.
Wo – Master seems, handicapped without Senses. But it also seems knowing all senses jobs too. Maybe your eyes cannot see something but The Master knows and informs you.
Ta – Intuitions?
Wo – It’s misunderstood with that, I have already said above.
Ta – If they don’t accept skin, or touch as a sense, how do they get information about hot and cold?
Wo – Actually, Chinese ancient people assumed that Eyebrows are the fifth sense. But it was wrong. South Asian philosophers believe skin as one of five senses are also wrong. It’s the Master who knows everything. He feels that hot or cold. He is the one who receives informations, analysis, synthesis and orders too.
Ta – Is that like Jeeva in Jain Philosophy?
Wo – Jeeva also has similarities with consciousness. Jeeva is a mixted concept of onsciousness, atman, Intellect, praana. Master is similar but not that.
Ta – Is that always in heaven?
Wo – No. There are different levels of mind. The heart experiences different feelings emerged by information from outside world or thoughts. If experiences are because of thoughts, that also either from inside or outside world. If Master is stronger than senses, it’s in heaven. If senses are out of control, or Master is under influence of one or more senses, it definitely experiences the hall.
Ta – Seems that heaven and hell are state of mind.
Wo – All heaven and hell we read in books are imagination by our ancient people. It’s their way to tell us what and how they thought about results of good and bad.
Ta – Good and Bad also can be just results of our mind. One doesn’t like to chew tobacco and other likea to chew and smok it.
Wo – Result decides.
Ta – Is there always Cause-Action-Result ?
Wo – Sometimes it’s opposite of it and sometimes all three are at the same time.
Ta – Where is Master here? Doer, the one creating Causes or the one who experiences the Result?
Wo – The one, who observes the chain, without getting involved in process.
21:51 Wednesday 31st May 2017