Everyone knows how to earn money. Everyone earns money. I ignored earning money when I was young and I see now I am too late to realize that I am not good to earn money.
I may do non-profitable work though.
Nowadays, everyone, whom I meet, starts telling me to earn money. They just begin with importance of money for survival. Today, Bh. Karunapal suggested me to take Robe in area so that I will be getting food in my surroundings. He recalled when he had no food for three days and many such difficulties he had to face after getting Chivar.
On 13rd when I was in train to Gondia, three passengers were Buddhists but one of them was cleverer than others. He took voluntarily retirement, got money, placed his only sone on the same job, still taking pension and managing an NGO as a president. His words were ‘wake up and you start spending money.’ Of course he was right. I am stupid.
I remain immatured.
Shafi also is fighting for stable and secured financial life. I am in train with no thought for tomorrow. I have less than one thousand in pocket and two bags only. I have survived on snacks given by Chi Chi and did lunch today at Shailendra’s place. Three packets are still there.
It’s raining outside. The train is supposed to reach Hz. Nizamuddin around 12. I don’t know how to reach Loni Road Buddha Vihar. I don’t know if they don’t accept me as Shramner. I have an optional move in mind to be beck to Mumbai seeking Rahula Bodhi in Ghatkopar. But I don’t want to go to home again.
I met my elder brother on a Chai tapri near Lokhandwala, after coming from Surat. I said I am not interested to talk to him. I was then about to leave, he asked why? I said him to leave then. I am still not happy with them.
22:13 Saturday 15th July 2017
Deepak Rao, my friend from Allahabad, called me yesterday. After formal questions he asked me if his cousin would come to Mumbai to make his career in acting? His phone was on loudspeaker. I suggested him not to send his cousin here for acting. I gave him my example, with no rupee balance in phone, wandering in Aram Nagar, Four Bungalows in Andheri West. One TVC ad, two digital ads, some episodic tv shows and just finished. Okay, everyone here is not like me. I also suggested that if his cousin is determined to come here, send him with time limits, and with enough financial backups too. Here trend has been changed. Everyone needs six-pack-abs, tall, fair, model looking heroic personality. Ok some exceptions are always everywhere but, I suggested to Deepak, if he watch TV artists, they all are rich looking, upmarket people. Mostly rich look is in requirements, average looking actors are rare who get continuity lead characters in TV. Of course, I am not talking about Marathi TV. They are much better than us.
Everyone has different experiences, different approach to observe their experience too, so their opinions are also different on same point. I would never suggest youngers to come in Mumbai for acting if they belong to poor or average financial backgrounds.
I didn’t talk to Deepak’s cousin. I think he would not listen me.
12:05 pm Friday 7th July 2017
What one knows and what all informations one has, proves useless when the time comes. One acts and behaves according to his instinct, that is inner personality one gets developed through his environment, society, family, incidents happened with him, conclusions, teachings, opinions, ..somewhat impressions of memories by previous experiences.
Few days ago I was sitting in infinity, reading ‘The Secret Of The Golden Flower,’ a girl with mic approached to me, one cameraman and another girl also was with her, she was asking some people if they know about GST. When she asked the person beside me, he could not answer her with little embarrassment. She came near to me and asked ‘excuse me, do you know about GST?’ I was reading the book and her question was a disturbing for me, I said ‘I am reading something and I am not willing to talk this time.’ She left.
At least I could have replied the full form of GST, or would have replied something funny but happened what? I left her with an arrogant image of mine in her mind and their camera.
Few days ago the person disturbed my secret meditation, also a realisation that I am not open to people and I use arrogance, egoist mask to prevent myself from society.
— The inner is like that.
They believe, instinct too can be created.
I am not sure.
A young boy around his 17, student of 11 or 12 class, had completed Shramner Shivir already, killed two kids and their mother. It was ‘triple murder case’ of Sarekha-Kosmi in 2008 or 2010. The murderer boy then informed to police and after one week he shifted in another house in front of my home in Kosmi. His inner made him to kill his landlord lady and her two kids. He was cleverer than professional murderers and I don’t think he learned it from professionals.
The inner is Mysterious One. All emotions and thoughts come from it and it’s only makes one react on outside world. How it works, how it makes equations with outer world, is a mystery for me. I feel a kind of irritation to see reports provoking extreme nationalism or spreading hate against neighbouring nations on TV news channels.
It’s not so simple. Or it maybe that simple, I cannot understand.
20:16 Wednesday 5th July 2017
“When three people walk together, my Teacher is among them.” One who has three treasures can know the meaning of it. This is just an example of knowing hidden secrets lying in simple words.
Recently I have finished ‘The Secret Of The Golden Flower’ and it was not knowing anything new. All I was reading was just verification of what I knew already. I understand 100 days, Yellow Lady, Flower, Sitting, The Pill, ..but one thing is there – I just have the guessing not true experience of that book. I have experiences of my meditation practices not of described in that book.
Today, after few months, when I saw this quote of Confucius, a kind of happiness suddenly emerged in me and I was smiling. Same happiness I had when I was reading ‘The Secret Of The Golden Flower.’ It was the happiness of Knowing – that ‘I knew’ – It is not proud or ego on myself that – ‘I knew.’
I am thankful to my friends who helped to got me three treasures. I respect the Master, but I am more thankful to friends. I know the ‘Buddha sitting on the Lotus.’
21:03 Tuesday 4th July 2017
Happiness makes you sing, and same with sadness too, even when you are angry, you can sing sometimes but depressed person does not sing. Singing is miraculous – it nourishes hope.
When I started theatre in 1999-2000, we used to sing JanaGeet in Samvet. We had only small book of JanaGeet and most of us had mugged up all songs. With or sometimes without dholak it was the best time of my school days. Samvet was dismantled soon and all seniors joined to Natya Kala Parishad, I was the only artist who joined Nutan Kala Niketan of that team. There, in Niketan, trend was different. They used to sing Folk songs and I found me not interested in that. I was from group with Communist ideology and here folk songs seemed to me of backward people. It took me a long time to realize that I was wrong.
I am not good at singing. Sometimes in Fotang, when I am asked to sing, I do, and them I feel a combination of embarrassment and happiness, both.
05:15 am Saturday 1st July 2017
Dhamma is always with me.
It was with me before I came here. It was with me when I was born. It is still with me and it will be with me even when I am leaving.
They say –
‘You came here empty hands and you will go with empty hands’
Is true for them who see the Results.
The True and more important is
the Cause, the Source of Results.
They, who know the Way, know,
Dhamma is always there.
I was in Dhamma before I came here. I was in Dhamma when I was born. I remain in Dhamma and Dhamma will be there with me even when I am leaving to Dhamma.
I Know The Way 🙂
04:31 am Saturday 1st July 2017
1. People are always about to response.
They here to reply. They are filled with emotions and thoughts.
2. Maun is one who is empty inside.
When he is supposed to reply, he says what imprints first in mind after listening words. His answer is pure, without filters of self emotions and calculation of mind, but with intelligence.
3. One who is quiet but filled with responses is full of garbage.
4. One who speaks out without considering the results would be, is pure but not appreciable.
5. The DCS from Singapore told me in Dhamma Class, when I asked her ‘should I speak honestly?’ about my feelings for Dhamma Class, because some people would may hurt with my words. She said ‘speak honestly what you feel but mind your way of saying.’
Sometimes, way of expression matters not words or facts.
6. In a crowded place one finds himself is reflection of outside world. When inner is not contaminated by outside world and its informations, one may find himself with awareness.
7. When thoughts and emotions are disappeared, but knowing is rest, is the state beyond of all (not just two) ends/edges.
Everyone of us reach there but rare are who stay.
10:10 am Monday 26th June 2017