After leaving Mumbai I didn’t want to go to Balaghat but had to take bus from Gondia to Balaghat. I met Shafi only there but didn’t tell him why I was going to Jabalpur. I spent almost whole day there in his clinic and got the bus at 11 pm night yo Jabalpur.
Reached to Jabalpur in early morning. Shailendra came to take me his home. I revealed him my intention to visit Rampur Bouddh Vihar but when we reached there, we found Bh. Karunapal ji was not there but another Monk had 8 years experience who was not authorized to Give Chivar, so asked me to take Robe from Bh. Karunapal and then come under him at Rampur Bouddh Vihar to seek allowance from committee members tomorrow.
We went to Nirbhay Nagar, Ghamapur, to met to Bh. Karunapal who, after knowing my brief introduction (I reminded him we met in 2006-07) he asked me why I want to be Shramner and for how long time. I replied to spent entire Varshawaas. He suggested me to visit Bh. Rahula from Ghatkopar and second option he suggested was Bh. Dhammashikhar from Balaghat because that’s my native place and would be beneficial for future, he said.
I didn’t go to Rampur back. I took my bags and Shailendra dropped me in train to Nizamuddin, I am in. Going to see Loni Road Buddha Vihar, Shahdara, New Delhi if Bh. Ashwaghosh is still there.
20:39 Saturday 15th July 2017
I was asked ‘you do anything, any job, any work, be coolie, but earn money.’ I said, ‘either I will get projects for street plays or I will leave to Jabalpur.’ Deadline was 30 June 2017.
I was asked again, ‘what is going on?’
‘Then do something!’
‘I will leave to Jabalpur’
‘What is there in Jabalpur? You have some planning?’
‘You no need to think about it.’
And, finally, on Guru Purnima, I left home!
It was not a decision I took suddenly. I had been looking for dates, because I had been being humiliated, feeling embarrassed, losing self respect. I had feelings of unsuccessful, failure, defeated and I had to face it everyday and sometimes if front of others.
Chi Chi asked me if I would like to come to Surat with them. I agreed, and on 8th at Guru Purnima, I though left home but went to Surat not Jabalpur. I informed my Chinese friends that I have left home and would go to Jabalpur after coming from Surat. In Surat they suggested me to get job. When we came back, I was ready to go but they asked me to stay one night and then during dinner was tried to convince that I should not leave. They had given me a book months ago to translate, I was asked to complete that. I stayed there at Fotang, 10 to 13 June and on 13rd at 1 pm I left for Gondia. I am in Balaghat now at Shafi’s clinic. I didn’t know the train to Jabalpur is not running and I have to take bus for that.
After Guru Purnima, I am floating like a dead & dried leave on earth. I have no choice, no thought of tomorrow. Future seems buried, and past has been disappeared. Present is just this.
I have got mobile charger and time at Shafi’s clinic, to write all these. Don’t know when to publish.
15:38 Friday, 14 July 2017
Facebook – deactivated
Whatsapp – deleted
Contacts in phonebook – limited
Twitter, Instagram, wechat, line, telegram or any other social sites – no
Active on – Google plus, blogs
One does this to be isolated, to live in peace, to feel collected with self, ..maybe it is also if one is fed up of illusionary world and willing to have real friends who can meet face to face.
One himself is responsible for destroying his mental peace. So many unnecessary contacts. So many friends on web. Chatting emerged with emotions based on unrealistic causes.
Then why on blogs?
Here it’s my place. Nobody comes to read ano bother me with comments. I am not hidden though, I am ignored by mass because I am not a public figure.
How will I get information for auditions then?
Through real people I will meet face to face.
Let’s see, how long one can go!
23:07 Tuesday 20th June 2017
I really feel, I’m far better than all those who are governed and moved by their emotions and thoughts, ..and I have got this after Knowing The Master.
Maybe, TaiChi also has some role in it.
Master is neither good nor bad, neither wise nor stupid, it’s my reflection.
When the Cherokee told the story of two wolves fighting inside, grandchild was curious to know about winning wolf. Grandfather preached The Master.
Angel and Satan sitting on shoulders maybe story for children. Master is always there.
No-one I see without Master.
I know, I Have Got The Way!
They may say, they brought me to the Master. Of course, without them I would not be introduced to The Master, but it was The Master itself who got me them too. I’m thankful to friends.
Master is not outside but always inside me. What I see outside is reflection of my Master.
19:28 Tuesday 6th June 2017
Buddha, after centuries, has been accepted as incarnation of Vishnu by Vaishnavas, but the facts are –
Buddha rejected Brahminism.
Hindu people don’t celebrate Buddha Jayanti.
Hindu people don’t accept Buddha as their teacher.
Hindu people never greet me Buddha Purnima or on other Buddhist festivals.
Hindu people are not aware about their – philosophies and different schools.
Hindu people do not study well about their religion.
It’s true – that Hinduism what we have been introduced is actually a mixture of many different philosophies and faiths which are against to each other. Shaiva, Shaakta, Nyaya, Vaisheshika, Vedaantika, Yoga, Charwaka, all had been criticizing to each other.
Hinduism have been being propagated after independence of India is actually Brahmanism and it declares Brahmins above all in hierarchy, rest all are lower than Brahmins. Nobody can be Brahmin through efforts otherwise Dr. Ambedkar, Phule, would be considered Brahmins. Leave examples of Vishwamitra or Annie Basent. They are exceptional cases. Practical contemporary Hinduism is actually Brahmanism and rest of people must detach themselves from it – if they are aware of their self-respect.
I never criticize Hinduism. It doesn’t exist. What exists behind ‘Hinduism’ is “Brahminism.” It would be good for all Non-Brahmins to leave Brahminism and their rituals, their deities, festivals, and find out their real spiritual faith by themselves, otherwise, despite Indian constitution, their generations will remain getting insulated forever!!
23:28 Wednesday 24th May 2017
Today, (17th of May 2017), early morning I dreamt that Chi Chi, Melody and me were somewhere. They were standing under a tree but everything was also green.
I was sleeping on grasses under the sky. Suddenly I felt small transparent snakes not more than 5 inches are crawling there. Chi Chi started taking pictures of those small snakes in her mobile phone while I was afraid and running away from them.
Gradually number and size of snakes increased and I tried to keep my feets away from them. I found me two wings came out of my shoulders, my hands and legs were there but a long tail also appeared. I had become a big red coloured snake like Dragon. I was not transparent like other snakes there. I could not see my face but tail and wings only. I hated those snakes and flied away in the sky far from Chi Chi and Melody.
23:56 Wednesday 17th May 2017