19th of July 2017, evening, I came at Sangharam Mahavihar Nagpur to get Chivar. I got my head shaved on same evening but I was given Chivar on 20th and my Shramner Name is Shraddha Sheel, and since then I became part of Dhamma Rally 2017 which had been concluded on 13rd of August 2017 at Diksha Bhoomi. I also have given a short speech there as a Shramner to share my feelings of these days.
I do not write much these because of shortage of time. My class notes are more useful than my blogs. I will share all pages of my class notes here.
Later on 21st of August we five selected shramners were sent to Zhaan Bhoomi, Chaparda, to learn some special kind of meditation, I will reveal that in another article. There, later some more shramners came to learn the meditation but one by one everyone left Zhaan Bhoomi till 6th of September. I stayed there to complete the training and left for Nagpur on 21st. Today on 22nd, I have left Cheevar and leaving for Pune.
20:38 Friday 22nd September 2017
Q. When I you are an enlightened / When you already know the truth, why do you need to go back for that? It is like you are in university and going back to college.
A. 1 – If one has got the certificate without proper study, if one has got the certificate because he could pass the examination, if one has got the certificate because the questions asked in examination he knew – he must go back through books to get all knowledge because what I has got is by luck not efforts.
2 – Causation Theory is applicable visavis. Cause-Act-Result and Result-Act-Cause. I have got the result first, so now I must cultivate myself the same way sages used to cultivate before getting enlightenment.
3 – Just let me go and wish me luck.
I was asked ‘you do anything, any job, any work, be coolie, but earn money.’ I said, ‘either I will get projects for street plays or I will leave to Jabalpur.’ Deadline was 30 June 2017.
I was asked again, ‘what is going on?’
‘Then do something!’
‘I will leave to Jabalpur’
‘What is there in Jabalpur? You have some planning?’
‘You no need to think about it.’
And, finally, on Guru Purnima, I left home!
It was not a decision I took suddenly. I had been looking for dates, because I had been being humiliated, feeling embarrassed, losing self respect. I had feelings of unsuccessful, failure, defeated and I had to face it everyday and sometimes if front of others.
Chi Chi asked me if I would like to come to Surat with them. I agreed, and on 8th at Guru Purnima, I though left home but went to Surat not Jabalpur. I informed my Chinese friends that I have left home and would go to Jabalpur after coming from Surat. In Surat they suggested me to get job. When we came back, I was ready to go but they asked me to stay one night and then during dinner was tried to convince that I should not leave. They had given me a book months ago to translate, I was asked to complete that. I stayed there at Fotang, 10 to 13 June and on 13rd at 1 pm I left for Gondia. I am in Balaghat now at Shafi’s clinic. I didn’t know the train to Jabalpur is not running and I have to take bus for that.
After Guru Purnima, I am floating like a dead & dried leave on earth. I have no choice, no thought of tomorrow. Future seems buried, and past has been disappeared. Present is just this.
I have got mobile charger and time at Shafi’s clinic, to write all these. Don’t know when to publish.
15:38 Friday, 14 July 2017
What one knows and what all informations one has, proves useless when the time comes. One acts and behaves according to his instinct, that is inner personality one gets developed through his environment, society, family, incidents happened with him, conclusions, teachings, opinions, ..somewhat impressions of memories by previous experiences.
Few days ago I was sitting in infinity, reading ‘The Secret Of The Golden Flower,’ a girl with mic approached to me, one cameraman and another girl also was with her, she was asking some people if they know about GST. When she asked the person beside me, he could not answer her with little embarrassment. She came near to me and asked ‘excuse me, do you know about GST?’ I was reading the book and her question was a disturbing for me, I said ‘I am reading something and I am not willing to talk this time.’ She left.
At least I could have replied the full form of GST, or would have replied something funny but happened what? I left her with an arrogant image of mine in her mind and their camera.
Few days ago the person disturbed my secret meditation, also a realisation that I am not open to people and I use arrogance, egoist mask to prevent myself from society.
— The inner is like that.
They believe, instinct too can be created.
I am not sure.
A young boy around his 17, student of 11 or 12 class, had completed Shramner Shivir already, killed two kids and their mother. It was ‘triple murder case’ of Sarekha-Kosmi in 2008 or 2010. The murderer boy then informed to police and after one week he shifted in another house in front of my home in Kosmi. His inner made him to kill his landlord lady and her two kids. He was cleverer than professional murderers and I don’t think he learned it from professionals.
The inner is Mysterious One. All emotions and thoughts come from it and it’s only makes one react on outside world. How it works, how it makes equations with outer world, is a mystery for me. I feel a kind of irritation to see reports provoking extreme nationalism or spreading hate against neighbouring nations on TV news channels.
It’s not so simple. Or it maybe that simple, I cannot understand.
20:16 Wednesday 5th July 2017
“When three people walk together, my Teacher is among them.” One who has three treasures can know the meaning of it. This is just an example of knowing hidden secrets lying in simple words.
Recently I have finished ‘The Secret Of The Golden Flower’ and it was not knowing anything new. All I was reading was just verification of what I knew already. I understand 100 days, Yellow Lady, Flower, Sitting, The Pill, ..but one thing is there – I just have the guessing not true experience of that book. I have experiences of my meditation practices not of described in that book.
Today, after few months, when I saw this quote of Confucius, a kind of happiness suddenly emerged in me and I was smiling. Same happiness I had when I was reading ‘The Secret Of The Golden Flower.’ It was the happiness of Knowing – that ‘I knew’ – It is not proud or ego on myself that – ‘I knew.’
I am thankful to my friends who helped to got me three treasures. I respect the Master, but I am more thankful to friends. I know the ‘Buddha sitting on the Lotus.’
21:03 Tuesday 4th July 2017
Today, in Infinity Mall, I was sitting before leaving for auditions. After having a look on Whatsapp, to see if there are more audition updates, I kept my phone in pocket and started meditating. Meditation was the one I was taught in Fotang. There were not much people and it was very peaceful today in Infinity Mall. After few minutes of meditation, a person sitting on my left, touched on my left shoulder. I looked at him. He was chewing something so didn’t say anything but turned his hand in manner to ask me ‘Why, what happened?’ I said ‘What?’ He showed his two fingers from his eyes to the floor yo ask me as ‘Why/what I was looking at floor?’ I said, ‘Nothing, nothing.’ He then stood up, spit in dustbin, sat back on same place.
I got disturbed, I started looking people and then after few minutes I left the place. I was not angry in him.
When I got disturbed, I was in state of constant stillness. I was very much aware and sensitive about the floor and almost 6-7 feet environment around me. I was in that condition constantly for more than three minutes, I guess, though I did not check time. When I was about to be disturbed, I was aware about the poke. Time between the poke and my Knowing was maybe though less than one second but I knew it. It was an achievement. And so, when I was leaving, I was not angry but with the feeling of achievement that in meditating state, I become a magnet. I also knew today, why people used to go to Himalaya or jungle, far from human society, to do Sadhna and meditation practices.
In this time, if one is sitting quietly, at peace, is considered having some problem. Normal person of this age, if he is alone, must be busy on his mobile, checking posts on Facebook, Whatsapp, or other social sites. If you are meditating at public place, sitting normally not in padmasana, still you catch attention of others and you will be disturbed. People are filled with emotions and thoughts. If their mind find you practicing Emptiness, they drain towards you.
20:00 Saturday 1st June 2017
Dhamma is always with me.
It was with me before I came here. It was with me when I was born. It is still with me and it will be with me even when I am leaving.
They say –
‘You came here empty hands and you will go with empty hands’
Is true for them who see the Results.
The True and more important is
the Cause, the Source of Results.
They, who know the Way, know,
Dhamma is always there.
I was in Dhamma before I came here. I was in Dhamma when I was born. I remain in Dhamma and Dhamma will be there with me even when I am leaving to Dhamma.
I Know The Way 🙂
04:31 am Saturday 1st July 2017