I’m only in Green Park that has been continuing with Chinese friends so it was easy for others to notice me. I don’t know what people think about me or about my friends from China. Some people said me they like my Tai Chi movements. A person, more than 50 years, has sometimes asked me to teach him Tai Chi but I took his words not seriously. When he suggested me to start a class and he would like to be my first paying-student, I agreed happily.
Next day, at decided time I reached at the park and he was six minutes late.
I asked him if he wants to learn without pay or would like to pay my fees?
I said 500/- rupees for 45 minutes session, per day, and he would learn 24 within 5-7 days, and rest 20 days will be for practicing.
Maybe, he misunderstood my words and thought I would charge 500/- per day for entire the month while my fees would be for 7 days only. Rest 20 days practice would be free. Initial 7 days I would ask him to be continue and and sincere.
He said he would give me 5000/- for entire the month.
I said – OK.
We started the class. And after some movements he found Tai Chi is too difficult for him. He thought me doing Tai Chi movements are smooth and easy but he realized too difficult and said – ‘Shekhar, I think I need to study it more then I should come to you again.’
I said – OK
I suggested him to watch videos also.
And this is how I lost my first paying student. My commercial class has been stopped before starting.
I think, I’m not good for teaching. Some people say me a good teacher but this example and experience was not good for me as Tai Chi teacher.
Another lady wanted to learn and after some classes she left. She also said me that she would give some fees but she never came back.
I feel, they like to see me doing Tai Chi, they feel it is easy and relaxing exercise, for body and mind but it is difficult when it comes to do for them.
..or I’m not good person to teach these people.
I don’t have any other options. Teaching Tai Chi would be another option. I’m hesitant to ask people for fees. This time I asked openly and student left.
18:45 Wednesday 7th June 2017
If one is unhappy and depressed with his life, then he searches for internal, individual, personal happiness. This happiness can be so called spiritual mental peace otherwise in most of cases, the person is centralized with himself, his family, wife, children. His personal problems like illness, joblessness, are enough to make him worried and unhappy, disturbed. He has no higher goals in his life. He spends life to fulfil formalities for survival. All his efforts are either for himself or his family or relatives. Rest of world, he thinks, is cruel, unsafe, dangerous place with enemies.
I see people, who misbehave with others wearing cheap clothes, they hate poor looking people, they talk not respectful with countryside people. They, who are literate, English speaking, rich people, are uncivilized and uneducated.
I see people around me – tall, with string muscles, but they are slaves. They are dizzying, sad, bored, looking for excitement in outer entertainment. They smell bad and to hide it they sprinkle sprays, deodorants, perfumes on their body and clothes. I do not hate them. I wonder to see how they live with superficial emotional expressions. They seem satisfied with their lifestyle. They have learned how to live like that. Their strongest desire is to be living. If they are living, they satisfy their ego, physical desires, tongue, and they just want anyhow not to die. It never been so difficult for me to tolerate such people and conditions of society. Now I’m fed up of all these. Everything has become irritating for me. I’m more sensitive for all these. I was taught to be the same person everyone are but now I’m changed. I’m unfit to this society and likeminded people are few.
23:41 Wednesday 24th May 2017
It was 2nd day of an event today I was in Renaissance Hotel. The mobile company had an event to promote its local dealers of different cities of India. What was my part in that?
I was called from a friend to work as promoter. Actually, this ‘promoter’ word is modern name of Occasional Labour for events. These event companies need men power so they hire college goers, jobless people, etc. to make their event successful. It’s good for college goers, they earn their pocket-money.
The company, I was working for, sent three entertainers whose job was to entertain people with teaching them playing instruments.
My work yesterday and today was to to put instruments on right place, then encourage people to follow instructions of entertainer, and finally to put all instruments in box. We were 9 boys yesterday and 6 boys today. These all were actors but for money they also were doing this work. Many other struggling actors, actresses also do so. Some girls there in short dresses were there for nothing but to make guests feel good in dinner time. It was fully Labourers’ job, just difference is, here these Labourers speak English.
I have done this before with same company. They found me not good for them. I also feel I’m not good for these kind of work. They rarely call me for events.
I wish to be Tai Chi entertainer who teaches Tai Chi rather than teaching instruments. That would be a better work than working as Labourer.
Payment will be done by online, they said. I’m too backward in technologies too. I still need liquid money because I don’t have credit-cards, I use 2G network which is not good for using Applications on phone.
World has entirely changed. Way of doing, work, internet, teaching, ..everything has been changed. Who does these changes? They are planners, gamers, businessmen, industrialists,.. people are consumers, customers, for them. I’m fit neither in their definitions of workers nor leaders’.
I should be living somewhere in Himalaya or in deep jungles (joking).
22:33 Friday 28th April 2017
Ok I will be there. And I may have lunch with you.
And dinner also together.
Ok. I could not come to Pune because you see I have bought new clothes. Now I have no money. I could not afford traveling.
But we didn’t ask you to pay for traveling. Also you not needed to worry about stay and food.
Yeah that I know but it’s not good to travel on your money because you are here and not earning money, so how could I ask you to pay my travel tickets?
You think so much. Don’t think much.
You buy me gift and I never gift you.
We don’t ask anything from you.
But I don’t like this.
You don’t like us?
No, I like you people, I like your small society, I like this community very much. You know about my atheist thoughts still I come here because you allowed me to come.
And I’m thankful for that.
Nothing. I forgot what I was talking about.
Aaa… You just don’t think much.
And you look handsome in new clothes.
Haha.. Thank You.
01:33am Wednesday 11th January 2017
Around 11 pm yesterday I reached home. I was not tired but little hungry. Of course the day was fantastic by audience’s response and also we spent some time in small river. I have forgot the name of that river, or it’s just a link to ocean. It is near Shedung Village, Panvel, Raigarh. I will upload photos later.
So the trip of Raigarh has been completed. Payment was said to be done half after the tour, but we are still unpaid. The person handling street plays, said the first half of payment will be done soon and rest of the payment will be given after 15 days.
I’m not clever to get money from others. I’m not smart to cheat people. I’m simple, I’m almost stupid because I don’t want to be Go Getter.
I don’t like the feeling of labourers after work, standing and hoping to get paid, contractor comes with money and pays everyone their wages. When I used to do work in Events, same feeling I used to have while getting paid.
Amount is small and I’m needy person – they, who are contractors, are making good money from projects and I’m just a part which is performing on street, to propagate someone else’s products. Currently, the bank we are doing street plays for, has given contract to a lady who is handling this project is said have bought her house and cars within six years through the same project. I wonder, why can’t I do this! Why don’t I have this ability to make people fool, to earn money from commissions.. I admit, I’m stupid.
I’m not sure when the payment will be done. I don’t trust on words, even papers or documents are not to be trusted. The person who has to pay, pays when he has money, when hae has mood or intention to pay. I’m still unpaid for shoot I did for my brother’s friend. Another shoot I did for Hamnavaan, a tv serial was on air on DD National, I got the cheque after 9 months.
I feel, I’m not part of economic society. I’m still revolving in the outer most orbit of this economic society. People, around whom the economic society revolves, are industrialists – businessmen – ..where is me? For me a hundred rupees note is enough to spend a week if I have internet and balance in phone. 50/- balance is enough for me to spend one month. This is how I live – in other side I see people having expensive flats in multi storied buildings, putting on expensive clothes, eating expensive dishes in MacDonald and pizza huts, CCD, etc. Where is me? I’m outside of CCD, pizza huts, McDonalds, KFC. I don’t have money to eat there. I can not imagine myself to spend money in Taj. Don’t say, because I cannot imagine so I won’t make it – words are sometimes to motivate emotional people – reality is different and out of Self Help Books.
Money is there, people are rich. They who make houses or work in farms are poor while they who don’t work physically are rich. This economic society is an evil and if I use religious words, I would say, economic society must have been originated & created by Satanists who had intention to be richer and facilitated than other people.
I’m waiting for the call from person said to pay falf payment today. Let’s see..
Person is like helpless and dependent after work is done and payment is to be done.
12:43 Sunday 20th November 2016
I never guessed I would be so poor and financially weak in future. I was always confident about my life path. I would think the life would go according to my plan but I could not crack the exam for civil services and my life entered into darkness. A little hope I still had has been disappeared after knowing that acting is easy but getting work in acting is much difficult.
Now I don’t know what to do for earning money. I thought, doing work is enough to earn money but I see that my efforts doesn’t work. I did many plays without money, I assisted in writing and tv serials’ direction also in production house but they didn’t pay me.
Another thing I have come to know that I don’t know how to ask for work. Earlier in Jabalpur I was offered to work in local albums so I did. Here in Mumbai I got first shoot in Savdhan India through audition (though my performance in shoot was too worst that the production house never repeated me again). I was selected for Sharon Ply’s ad, I performed Charlie Chaplin, through photos I sent for and later l was finalized after audition. Yes, they also had to work much on my act, they gave me workshop for one week after selecting me. Sadda Haq I did through coordinator, then in a show I did some comedy characters for DD KISAN in April, and my last work I did a short film. It was the first time I was offered work through Facebook, without audition I got selected and did shoot (i didn’t asked for payment). Although, after the short film I did one more shoot but that was just for few seconds, I was paid 101/- INR for that.
Since my chindhood it was already cleared in my mind that ‘kartavya path’ and ‘saundarya path’ should be different. I wanted to earn money through job and continue theatre as hobby. I never wanted to make it a source of income (if I get some money from acting is not bad). After my failure to crack civil service examinations, I chose acting as a carrier option.
People believe the hobby should be carrier. I never accepted this. I had to choose my hobby as carrier option but still I see it’s not good. I still believe that the source of income and hobby should be different. Both should go parallel and simultaneously. ‘Soundarya Pksh’ and ‘Kartavya Paksh’ should not be mixed together.
Money is important. It’s not everything but most of the things in human society are governed by money. I have been ignoring this money-system was my fault and I’m solely responsible for that. I had been offered to teach students of post graduation just after qualifying NET-&-JRF in 2005 (December) but I refused it saying the time was to study for myself. I actually dislike to be a teacher and I was sure about my carrier as an IAS officer. I’m proved not just wrong but also failure.
One who can’t earn money is considered loser and failure in his life, no matter what he earned through his experiences in life, no matter how is character, and in behaviour.
Financially weak people have to face many difficulties in their lives.
I don’t know if financially strong people live happily or not. I have never been rich financially.
5th of August 2016
I have been doing theatre with many amateur and professional groups. Amateur theatre groups don’t pay to artists and in most of professional groups, they pay something to actors, a little to backstage helpers, and nothing to volunteers. I worked many times for amateur theatre groups without payment.
When I was in SAMVET (1999-2001), I was paid 50/- (fifty rupees) that was the first-time I earned money from acting. It was from a show we did for someone’s birthday party, and the group was given 1000/- only. Everyone contributed their share for the group but I didn’t. My share was 50/- that I took it shamelessly.
NKN was a huge group, well administered organization, but artists who were not members, were not paid. I had a little experience in Vivechana, I did only ‘Hamsa Kar Lay Kilol’ with them, ‘Tum Nirbhay Jyo Surya Gagan Mein’ also I wanted to do. There in Jabalpur, I started dancing in local albums and so my journey as actor-on-camera started (2006-07) though, my recordings of Juloos (I did with Samvet in Balaghat) were telecasted in local channels (2000-01).
In Mumbai, it was AVIKAL that made me realized the respect of being an artist. Here artists were given conveyance for rehearsals (though just initially) and payment after shows.
I constructed myself in Samvet and Avikal, while in NKN and Vivechna, I enjoyed the time. Days with Natya Kala Parishad (Balaghat) and Shabd (Mumbai) were useless, I don’t even count them. Yeah, with Star ACT, I did ‘Andhere Mein’ was an achievement for me same like ‘Juloos’ with Samvet and ‘Dulari Dhamal’ with Avikal.
Theatre is still not considered a good medium for earning though some actors and groups are flourishing through commercial plays, especially in Gujrati, English and Marathi. A theatre artist has no secured life, and he has to be depending on tv-&-movies for fame and money.
Few days ago I did a small shoot for a friend’s project, he was making a short film over health awareness. I was told that it would be non-paid project and if the client likes the film only then there would be some amount to be given. I had no hope for payment, and I did the shoot because they are my friends. My character was too small, almost unnoticeable, but I did.
Today I was paid. Can you guess how much I was paid?
Yes. One hundred and one rupees.
I’m not sad. I’m happy.
It’s lowest payment ever I got through acting but I’m happy because my friends are honest. They remembered me when they needed actor, they were hesitant that I wouldn’t do the act but I did, they paid me too.
No matter how much I was paid, matters they paid me while the project was not profitable and it was done with very basic equipments.
When I was paid, I didn’t understand what was that. I had almost forgot about the shoot and I had no hope to get paid.
I was paid, a very little, little amount, but it was for acting on camera. I’m thankful for all camera, stage, streets too (never got any movie so far) but my first choice is always stage and theatre.
If I could earn enough from theatre, I would continue it for life. Theatre has always been first in priority of any actor who ever been in theatre. Tv and movies are always secondary choice for artists. Theatre is where an actor can express himself, live and die completely without regretting.
01:48 am Wednesday
27th of July 2016