Emptiness Gets Disturbed

Today, in Infinity Mall, I was sitting before leaving for auditions. After having a look on Whatsapp, to see if there are more audition updates, I kept my phone in pocket and started meditating. Meditation was the one I was taught in Fotang. There were not much people and it was very peaceful today in Infinity Mall. After few minutes of meditation, a person sitting on my left, touched on my left shoulder. I looked at him. He was chewing something so didn’t say anything but turned his hand in manner to ask me ‘Why, what happened?’ I said ‘What?’ He showed his two fingers from his eyes to the floor yo ask me as ‘Why/what I was looking at floor?’ I said, ‘Nothing, nothing.’ He then stood up, spit in dustbin, sat back on same place.
I got disturbed, I started looking people and then after few minutes I left the place. I was not angry in him.
When I got disturbed, I was in state of constant stillness. I was very much aware and sensitive about the floor and almost 6-7 feet environment around me. I was in that condition constantly for more than three minutes, I guess, though I did not check time. When I was about to be disturbed, I was aware about the poke. Time between the poke and my Knowing was maybe though less than one second but I knew it. It was an achievement. And so, when I was leaving, I was not angry but with the feeling of achievement that in meditating state, I become a magnet. I also knew today, why people used to go to Himalaya or jungle, far from human society, to do Sadhna and meditation practices.
In this time, if one is sitting quietly, at peace, is considered having some problem. Normal person of this age, if he is alone, must be busy on his mobile, checking posts on Facebook, Whatsapp, or other social sites. If you are meditating at public place, sitting normally not in padmasana, still you catch attention of others and you will be disturbed. People are filled with emotions and thoughts. If their mind find you practicing Emptiness, they drain towards you.
20:00 Saturday 1st June 2017

स्टडी रूम

एक छोटा सा स्टडी रूम है ।

अंदर जाने का दरवाजा एक ही है जो पश्चिमी दीवार पर है ।
दरवाजे के ठीक सामने की दीवार पर, पूर्व दिशा में खुलने वाली एक खिड़की है ।

खिड़की से लगा हुआ टेबल है, कुर्सी है,

टेबल पर एक लैपटाप, कुछ किताबें, एक चाय से भरा कप, तीन चार पेन एक सेट में रखी हैं ।
एक स्मार्टफोन भी टेबल पर रखा है ।
कमरे की उत्तरी दीवार से सटा हुआ एक साधारण सिंगल बेड है जो कि सात फुट लंबा है ।

इसका सिरहाना पूर्व की तरफ है ।

इस दीवार पर कुछ सुंदर पेंटिग भी टंगी है जो जरूरी नहीं भी हो सकती थी ।
दक्षिणी दीवार से लगी एक शेल्फ है जिसमें किताबें हैं, 

शेल्फ के बाजू में एक छोटी सी आलमारी भी है

और उसके बाजू में एक मटका रखा है

जिसके ऊपर एक गिलास और लंबी डंडी वाला मग रखा है ।

आलमारी और शेल्फ, बेड आमने सामने है ।
मटका और बेड, पश्चिमी दीवार से थोड़ी दूरी पर हैं, 

जहां कुछ और कुर्सियां फोल्ड कर के रखी हुई हैं ।

जरूरत पड़ने पर, सभी दस कुर्सियों को खोला जा सकता है ।
कमरे में वाई-फाई है ।
कमरे में कोई सजावट नहीं हैं ।

खालीपन रखा गया है ।
पंखा है जो चलता भी है,

वैसे गरमी नहीं लगती यहां ।

दीवारें हल्की पीली हैं, सफेद जैसी ।

छत एकदम सफेद ।

कमरे में कहीं धूल नहीं है, कोई गंदगी नहीं हैं, 

वैसे किताबें, जो टेबल और शेल्फ में रखी है;

थोड़ी अस्तव्यस्त हैं ।
किताबों का अस्तव्यस्त होना सुंदर लगता है ।
टेबल, शेल्फ, आलमारी, लकड़ी की है ।

सभी कुर्सियां काली, एक जैसी है ।

मटका मिट्टी का है – ये माॅडर्न वाॅटर प्यूरीफायर भी हो सकता था ।
दक्षिणी दीवार पर एक दरवाजा है, मटके और पश्चिमी दीवार के बीच ।

यह है छोटा सा अटैच लैट-बाथ ।
एक टेबल-लैंप टेबल पर है, जिसको घुमाकर बेड की तरफ भी किया जा सकता है

ताकि लेटकर भी पढ़ा जा सके ।

तीन बल्ब फूलवाले होल्डर में पश्चिमी, उत्तरी और दक्षिणी दीवारों पर लगे हैं ।

उत्तर-पश्चिम और दक्षिण-पूर्व कोनों पर नाईट-लैप लगे हैं

जबकि बाथरूम वाले कोने पर फ्लॉवर पाॅट रखा है ।
कमरे में सांस लेने, एक्सरसाइज़ करने और हंसने की पूरी जगह है ।

यहां ताईची नहीं हो पाएगी, उतनी भी जगह नहीं है ।

पढ़ाई करने के लिए बेस्ट कमरा है ।
19:00 Wednesday 14th June 2017

Cause Lies In Emptiness! 

​SHEKHAR – No no, I’m not. You are people involved in worldly affairs.
THEY – And you?
SHEKHAR – I’m not Involved.
THEY – But you replied, it means you are involved.
SHEKHAR – I replied the question. Question and answer are depending on each other. Same with me. I’m depending on everything outside – air, water, light, ..but I’m not Involved with anything.
THEY – Dependency is not involvement, you think.
SHEKHAR – Even the dependency with cooperation to each other cannot make you involved.
THEY – Then what is involvement?
SHEKHAR – Attachment!
THEY – Buddha Fever!
SHEKHAR – Can be Jiddu as well, who knows. They all are same, Buddha has no particular name.
THEY – You mentioned Jiddu as Buddha. I might not be meant about Siddhartha Gautama.
SHEKHAR  – Of course I said. I didn’t know what you meant. I thought you labelled me with Siddhartha the Buddha.
THEY – What you thought was wrong.
SHEKHAR – You know better I was wrong or not. I don’t know. You know what you meant. I understood what I had in my mind.
THEY – Knowledge cannot be given, what you think?
SHEKHAR – It can be transmitted.
THEY – How?
SHEKHAR – Matter of feeling, deep experience.
THEY – Why so? What can be said should be experienced too.
SHEKHAR  – It’s not sometimes.
THEY – Why?
SHEKHAR – Because, everything what can be experienced through outer senses are actually results. Cause is matter of feelings, and these feelings are too personal, for an individual.
THEY – You mean, God or like that?
SHEKHAR – You tried to simplify it, and trying to generalize it you have lost the the matter.
THEY – What was it?
SHEKHAR – The cause which can be experienced in deep feelings, inside and yes – outside too, but not through outer senses.
THEY – And you say that is behind everything.
SHEKHAR – Yes.
THEY – Ok.
SHEKHAR  – ..
THEY – No words.
SHEKHAR – Exactly!
THEY – Why?
SHEKHAR – Emptiness!
THEY – There is no peace!
SHEKHAR – Then it’s not empty at all.
THEY – What?
SHEKHAR – Which would have been emptied, with no words but also no feelings, no thoughts.
THEY – There is feeling.
SHEKHAR – And you convert it into thoughts. You put a name to feeling and it becomes a concept resulting a thought.
THEY – Why don’t I had the same emptiness?
SHEKHAR – Already told you.
THEY – ..

03:32 am Friday 20th January 2017

Emptiness Is Needed Not Space. 

Want to have a big house, mansion, bungalow, haweli, palace, castle…?
Yes!
— because you want to show your friends how rich you are?
Maybe Yes.

Maybe Not.
Some of us want to have bigger residence just to show off but later, it’s normal to them and showing off becomes normal for them.
Some of us needs big residence because they need for their joint-family.
Most of us want big bigger house like palace and with large garden around it, but they don’t know why they actually want it.
We need EMPTINESS!
Because we are looking for peace, love, so we seek for emptiness, inside ond outside too. In houses, we want empty place. More bigger room may have more empty place. If it’s garage or godown, we don’t see emptiness. If the hall is crowded with so many people, we still find personal place where we can be with loved ones or alone, or we soon get bored with crowd and go out for fresh air. This going out for fresh air is also looking for emptiness -outside of the hall, in garden, in lawn, etc.
If matter would be just for shelter, or to showoff, we would not need bigger houses but small houses with expensive decorations.
I live here in small room, I’m also in search for my personal space, emptiness, stillness, but I don’t have a big house – I don’t seem to buy even a single flat in my life because of poor earning.

— so I sometimes go to garden, I keep silence to be with myself, to see my emptiness. 
I wish to have a single room with 

One door,

One window with a table-chair and a table-lamp,

Single bed with normal sheet,

One small library,

Laptop with internet access,

Kitchen, toilet outside but closed to room,

One normal mobile phone,

2-3 chairs for guests,

One water pot, gilass, mug.
Personal stuffs :-

Kurta pajama or shirt pants pairs – 4

Footwear pairs – 2

Notebook, pen, books, glasses if needed.
In this Aparigriha, I’m looking for my emptiness : far from worldly things.
Emptiness is not idea for Chinese people, it’s not for just saint and sages only – it’s what we actually need in our daily life – we need emptiness where we can feel ourselves an empty – to release our mind and body.
I know where my emptiness and stillness are and how can I get it.

I know that happiness is not depending on money, house, clothing, car, and worldly affairs.

I know money is very important for living in human society.

I know technology can help me to solve my worldly problems.

I know, science can help me to understand the nature, systems, me, you and I believe it can be helpful to understand everything by time.

I know, there is still something rest, a quest, a thirst, a hunger – and I have found The Way to answer, to fulfil thirst, to feed myself.

I didn’t need god or other imaginary person for that.

I have found The Way (The Method)
And so I keep my emptiness with me

To be at peace, with happiness and love.
21:39 Saturday, 17th of September 2016.

Purity And Tranquillity

All clinging and attachments have nothing to do with the Tao or the virtue.

People fail to realize the Tao because they have deviant minds.
Deviance in the mind means the spirit is alarmed.
Spirit alarmed, there is clinging to things.
Clinging to things,

there is searching and coveting.
Searching and coveting,

there are passions and afflictions.
Passions, afflictions, deviance, and imaginings

trouble and pester mind and body.
Then one falls into turbidity and shame,

Ups and downs, life and death.
Forever immersed in the sea of misery,

One is in eternity lost to the true Tao.
The Tao of true permanence

Will naturally come to those who understand.
Those who understand the realization of the Tao

Will rest forever in the pure and tranquil.
[excerpt shared from :

Ching-ching miao-ching

(Purity and Tranquility)

author unknown (618 – 906 CE)

translated by : Liva Kohn]
(This post was copied as it is from Facebook page: Tao Te Ching)

Smiling Closed Eyes

image

I don’t live in darkness
Darkness lives in me
Said by whom I don’t know
But I guess, he was very sad

He may have had a life
To live long with happiness
But he left living his life
Because it was not worth to live

It was not what he wanted to be
He assumed his future was not that
But he didn’t kill himself
He just left living the life

And he let the life to go, find his way
And he became passive observer
And he refused to have control
And he refused to be controlled also

He was not died, he was not alive
He was not living, he was dying
He was not sleeping or awake
He was not laughing or crying

He disappeared suddenly
And was found far from this earth
Where life and death was two points
And he was between them smiling

But there was no light, no power
No energy or weaknesses for him
It was not dark, it was not peaceful
No emptiness, no silence, no enlightenment

He was not looking for these results
He was not to reach any results
He was not looking for anything
He met all were not of his mind

He came to know those words were fake
All books and teachings were wrong
Peace freedom emptiness are in mind
And enlightenment isn’t any achievement

Suddenly he found himself in light
And the light became himself
There was no darkness in or out
Peace and emptiness on smile

He had nothing to speak or share
He had nothing to gain or lose
He closed his eyes with smile on face
And became part of this universe

23:16
Thursday
16 June 2016

Photo: Vikram G.
Editing: Vivek G.

NOISE WITH EMPTINESS

image

After a long time he saw her, not in personal but in her recent book, on a shelf in Crossword. Strange! She still looks beautiful as she was 5 years back in college.
‘I should not think of her much’ he thought, ‘but why not?’ He asked to himself, ‘what if she is still single, not engaged then?’
He carefully took the book on his hand, read name of the book, not once-twice or thrice but more than ten times before turning the cover. ‘If I get any contact information, I must contact her’ he mumbled, ‘she also must be thinking of me as I’m thinking of her’ suddenly his face changed, ‘maybe, she has forgot me, or if it’s true then?’

He softly turned the cover, and saw the first page, with her photo. He thinks, if I weren’t poor, if I had a well paying job in government sector, she would be mine. Noe after years what all I could do is just think of her and regret on my past.

‘Is this poverty, I’m facing in my life, because of any curse or it is earned one?’ He asked himself. ‘What if I were like other people looking for financial security, doing job, getting married, having kids, spending life fulfilling requirements of family, and finally to die? …no no! I can’t be so. I rejected to be a slave so that I may pursue my life freely, but this life without money-fame-name is really living in Hell.’

He turns the pages of the book and his past reveals itself to him. He was born in not-so-well-living family. Spent his childhood with village kids and uneducated people. He didn’t know why he wanted to study for. He managed to get higher education but got failed to bag job in government sector though he had tried for Civil Service. He knew she loved him. Not only he but almost everyone of their area knew about the love between them but he never loved her. She was just a friend for him while she was mad for him. He left to another city for higher education but why, he didn’t know. They didn’t contact to each other for more than two years and he moved to capital city to study more, and when he came back, found her married and pregnant lady. Na, he was not sad. She never been his love, but she was sad.

‘Being ambitious was not my fault. Ok I couldn’t be a civil servant but I’m also not a slave. I’m though still unemployed and depending on family for money, but I’m free from social-traditional-religious dogmas. I’m mentally free. So what if I’m financially dependent? I’m not cursed to be poor. I’m not poor, I just don’t have money’ he thought, put the book in shelf and left to the main door.

His face was reddish but without any emotion. His eyes were open, forgot blinking, searching nobody but looking at the emptiness on the sky.

‘Is this sky a living being?’ He questioned himself, smiled on his own question, and assumed as if he was a bacteria or virus like small living being on earth and entire the globe was a living being with all its stuffs. ‘I’m making this world dirty. I’m though part of this world, this universe, but still I’m something which is not obliged to follow all its rules. I’m part of human society but I don’t think me an human being. I was just born in human family, my parents were human being, but I never claim to be an human being.’ He became so worried ‘Then what I’m? Who am I?’

Staying inside entire the day is boring. It creates depression if you are unemployed and have nothing to do. Playing games and chatting on net is not the solution. But yes it’s the time he enjoys his own company. He sees and observes himself. This is when he comes to know what his mind speaks to him, what sorts of desires he have.

‘Is it devil resides inside me? Or I have a mind governed by evil thoughts?’ He mumbles. Trying to observe waves he suddenly became silent and found a divine emptiness with peace in his mind.

‘No no, not that. I didn’t want peace. I don’t need emptiness. This emptiness, this peace is fake. It’s all fake!’ He shouted and walked away towards unknown area where he may have never been before.