To Search For Bh.

After leaving Mumbai I didn’t want to go to Balaghat but had to take bus from Gondia to Balaghat. I met Shafi only there but didn’t tell him why I was going to Jabalpur. I spent almost whole day there in his clinic and got the bus at 11 pm night yo Jabalpur.
Reached to Jabalpur in early morning. Shailendra came to take me his home. I revealed him my intention to visit Rampur Bouddh Vihar but when we reached there, we found Bh. Karunapal ji was not there but another Monk had 8 years experience who was not authorized to Give Chivar, so asked me to take Robe from Bh. Karunapal and then come under him at Rampur Bouddh Vihar to seek allowance from committee members tomorrow.
We went to Nirbhay Nagar, Ghamapur, to met to Bh. Karunapal who, after knowing my brief introduction (I reminded him we met in 2006-07) he asked me why I want to be Shramner and for how long time. I replied to spent entire Varshawaas. He suggested me to visit Bh. Rahula from Ghatkopar and second option he suggested was Bh. Dhammashikhar from Balaghat because that’s my native place and would be beneficial for future, he said.
I didn’t go to Rampur back. I took my bags and Shailendra dropped me in train to Nizamuddin, I am in. Going to see Loni Road Buddha Vihar, Shahdara, New Delhi if Bh. Ashwaghosh is still there.
20:39 Saturday 15th July 2017

Just a Performer! 

How long you have been doing comedy?
Life is making fun of me, how I dare to do comedy?
So you don’t do comedy?
Never! I laugh at myself and people support me, that’s it.
Who brought you here?
I don’t know. Maybe it’s ..it’s God like thing sent us all here.
Who invited you here for performance?
I am a performer. I perform. I have done performances in small bogi of train, railway stations, small streets in villages and cities, on stages and television also.
Aaah! Someone please get him out of here!
*
I have done my dinner.

I’m sleepy.
*
22:06 Saturday 15th April 2017

फल सड़ा है, बीज नहीं! 

​क्या हुआ कि एक फल पकने वाला था,

फिर उस पर ज़बर्दस्ती किसी दवा का छिड़काव किया गया,

छिड़काव ज़बरदस्ती हुआ था जिसकी ज़रूरत क़तई नहीं थी ।
तो नुकसान भी हुआ ।

फल सड़ गया !

अब मंडी में क्या होगा पता है ।
मक्खियां भिनभिनाती है

जो तकलीफ भी देती है

और बेवजह की तकलीफ देती है ।
नहीं चाहिए इसकी उसकी सलाह 

नहीं चाहिए किसी दवा का छिड़काव

नष्ट तो कुछ नहीं होता ना !
जो मरा है वो फिर जी उठेगा

नए रूप में, नई जगह पर

फिर से जीवन पनपेगा ।
फल खराब हुआ मगर सिर्फ एक हिस्सा

बीज तो अब भी सलामत है

और नए पौधे में अनेक फलों की संभावनाएँ भी हैं ।
लेकिन मैं चाहता हूं कि अब कोई फल न लगे

पौधा तो हो पर फलविहीन हो, ऊंचा हो

मजबूत और छायादार पेड़ बनें ।
20:56 Wednesday 8th March 2017

“How We Think or Want” is True,  not “What We Think or Want” !!

​Omg! You are still unmarried?
It’s not so shocking, I think.
Ok, but when are you going to get married?
Why are you so worried about me?
Just asking..
Well, it depends on me and my circumstances. And nobody has to be worried about it. My sexual life, my religious & spiritual faith, my political ideologies are my personal matter. If anyone or anything from outside comes to know it and I’m reluctant, then I can be violent and I will have no repentance for that.
I think it’s not so personal. Everyone shows their spiritual or religious faith in public.
I think different then. Simple!
What’s problem to talk about ..these your personal matters?
It’s an encroachment in my personal life! We can talk about other things like, how same words have different meanings, how jataka tales have not been so popular etc.
What’s use of that.. of talking about these things?
Maybe no use. But if you want to talk to me, please don’t entrench into my very individual matters.
Then communication is impossible with you.
We are communicating already, you see? We are sharing our views and this is how we may know each other. It’s good.
Ok I came to know what you think over something, you now know about my thinking.. then what?
It’s useless to know what someone is saying. Important is to know how one is thinking. This is how you may know who is who. Our words are fake. Our words are not true most of the time. Words are sometimes about “what we think or want” and then also it’s not true. “How we think or want” is real. Most of Hindus want Muslims get out if India but their words don’t express their real feelings. They have to tolerate Muslims in India and so their words come out showing religious harmony. If the harmony would be real, there would be No Caste System in India.
12:45 pm Monday 6th March 2017

Relying on Heart not Astrology! 

​They say – If the Sun is your representative in solar system, your personality will be impressive and attractive, you’ll be successful, like a king or leader..

But you can be unimpressive, unsuccessful, financially poor man at your 35 – proves their numerology is wrong !!
They say, If Marse and Saturn are together in first box of your birth chart, your life is full of difficulties created by yourself – proved !!

Your better half will have to suffer more than you if you are married. I skipped ‘If you are married’ and so I saved my better half to suffer. (Joking)
I can’t say “this happened because of this” ..it’s their predictions I was interested in reading at my teenage. Numerology proved wrong in my case. My elder sister is having great knowledge of astrology also proved wrong. In this matter I’m successful to prove them all wrong who predicted my life would be successful and I would be famous, popular man.
Jack Ma says if you are poor at your 30, it’s all your fault. 
I can’t see the way to get out of this situation. I feel me depending on outer circumstance and people.
They say, so many lines on palm indicates you are worried by small reasons, your life is full of difficulties, and you are emotionally not strong. It also means you think much and that makes you not a good decision maker. Ok I think much but waht I think is useless. No-one cares what I think.
Astrology Palmistry Numerology.. these are a bit helpful to have an idea about someone but we shouldn’t rely on it completely.
They say, I would be an administrator, or higher positioned government officer, or successful politician, ..I’m jobless unknown actor searching for acting work in TV. ..it’s astrology was wrong or their predictions, I’m not sure but one with rational mind should not trust on these unscientific calculations.
The best predictor about future is your Heart, not that stuff busy pumping blood in body. Heart knows everything about me and you and everyone, everything. Heart said me ‘Go to Delhi’ but parents and family didn’t allow me. It took four-five months to convince them and my enthusiasm got reduced. Enthusiasm, excitement is for a little time when one must do what he wants to do. Later, waitings, plannings kill that enthusiasm. Excitement dies. That peak of the emotion is ‘suspicious’ time – no need to rely on planetary combination. Heart knows who, what and when is ‘best’ for you.
19:48 Sunday 19th February 2017

Time Zone

Your Colleagues, friends, younger ones might “seem” to go ahead of you. 

May be some might “seem” behind you.
Some one is still single. Someone *got married* and ‘waited’ 10 years before having a child. There is another who had a baby within a year of marriage.
Someone *became CEO* at 25 and died at 50 while another became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90 years. 

Everyone works based on their ‘Time Zone’,
People can have things worked out only according to their pace.

Work in your *time zone*
Everyone is in this world running their own race on their own lane in their own time. 
God has a different plan for everybody.
Time is the difference.

 *Obama retires at 55, Trump resumes at 70*
Don’t envy them or mock them, it’s their ‘Time Zone.’ 

You are in yours!
Hold on, be strong, and stay true to yourself. All things shall work together for your good. 
You’re not late … You are not early … you’re very much On time !! 
You Are In Your Time Zone…. 🌐

Scattered Before Broken! 

​Mind is not concentrated.

So many thoughts are there in mind :-

*

Symbolic Words or metaphor used in daily life language is not good.

What is said and what is understood are different.

*

You know him? – Yes – See.

*

So much noice!

I don’t have time to sit and meditate –

Emotion is sad, irritated, not willing to talk to anyone.

If I would have a place where I could be alone, I would sit until mind get balanced.

Yes my greed has been revealed. Proved I’m a bit egoistic. It’s clear that my inner is hallow. I don’t have depth in my personality.

No I’m sad not because you said me my mind is not peaceful. I’m sad because now I know that I’m irritating to you.

Na I can’t give you money. I don’t have money. But I can be a good learner. I can be good friend, good companion – but if I’m irritating then it’s absolutely my fault. I have to look into myself, to my behaviour.

*

Another thing I understand is, because of my poor conditions I’m not able to live independent life.

I’m just waiting for the moment – to leave. I don’t want people to call me an escapee! I’m not doing hardwork because I’m afraid to be involved here. (It sounds like an excuse!)

*

I don’t see the way how to get out of this situation. Job – I didn’t do, work – I don’t want to do anything which I do not enjoy! Acting – not getting work even in one-day two-day cameos! Yoga teacher – somewhere ok but not hundred percent. Tai Chi – I’m not trained from any institute! I’m not athlete, I’m not politician, not from any rich royal industrialist family.

*

I feel the day is gone after 4 o’clock. Same I feel here.

*

The boat is reluctant to stay at shore, it’s small and sailor is not experienced, not confident. He knows knows the map, he has much knowledge about the ocean but he never sailed his boat from one shore to other. His knowledge and all learning-education is waste! As a sailor he is failure. 

And now people say :- you are not confident, you are this, you are that..

When he wanted to fly, you said ‘no no, you’ll fall an die!’ He wanted to sail his boat to experience new islands and you said – ‘itnot time to discover new world.’

His boat is now becoming old. He doesn’t want to die on same shore.

Let him go!

Give him courage!

Provide all equipments!

Give him enough food, water, shelter, and recognition as a sailor, ..and allow him to go find new island for himself. Let him decide where to stay how long, let him do what he wants to do.

Don’t let a sailor die before he discovers a new world.

All people who are financially strong are not successful. All who think me unsuccessful are people who judge success through financial status.

*

Ok

I’m at my home.
12:34 Wednesday 25th January 2017