I was asked ‘you do anything, any job, any work, be coolie, but earn money.’ I said, ‘either I will get projects for street plays or I will leave to Jabalpur.’ Deadline was 30 June 2017.
I was asked again, ‘what is going on?’
‘Then do something!’
‘I will leave to Jabalpur’
‘What is there in Jabalpur? You have some planning?’
‘You no need to think about it.’
And, finally, on Guru Purnima, I left home!
It was not a decision I took suddenly. I had been looking for dates, because I had been being humiliated, feeling embarrassed, losing self respect. I had feelings of unsuccessful, failure, defeated and I had to face it everyday and sometimes if front of others.
Chi Chi asked me if I would like to come to Surat with them. I agreed, and on 8th at Guru Purnima, I though left home but went to Surat not Jabalpur. I informed my Chinese friends that I have left home and would go to Jabalpur after coming from Surat. In Surat they suggested me to get job. When we came back, I was ready to go but they asked me to stay one night and then during dinner was tried to convince that I should not leave. They had given me a book months ago to translate, I was asked to complete that. I stayed there at Fotang, 10 to 13 June and on 13rd at 1 pm I left for Gondia. I am in Balaghat now at Shafi’s clinic. I didn’t know the train to Jabalpur is not running and I have to take bus for that.
After Guru Purnima, I am floating like a dead & dried leave on earth. I have no choice, no thought of tomorrow. Future seems buried, and past has been disappeared. Present is just this.
I have got mobile charger and time at Shafi’s clinic, to write all these. Don’t know when to publish.
15:38 Friday, 14 July 2017
“When three people walk together, my Teacher is among them.” One who has three treasures can know the meaning of it. This is just an example of knowing hidden secrets lying in simple words.
Recently I have finished ‘The Secret Of The Golden Flower’ and it was not knowing anything new. All I was reading was just verification of what I knew already. I understand 100 days, Yellow Lady, Flower, Sitting, The Pill, ..but one thing is there – I just have the guessing not true experience of that book. I have experiences of my meditation practices not of described in that book.
Today, after few months, when I saw this quote of Confucius, a kind of happiness suddenly emerged in me and I was smiling. Same happiness I had when I was reading ‘The Secret Of The Golden Flower.’ It was the happiness of Knowing – that ‘I knew’ – It is not proud or ego on myself that – ‘I knew.’
I am thankful to my friends who helped to got me three treasures. I respect the Master, but I am more thankful to friends. I know the ‘Buddha sitting on the Lotus.’
21:03 Tuesday 4th July 2017
Today, in Infinity Mall, I was sitting before leaving for auditions. After having a look on Whatsapp, to see if there are more audition updates, I kept my phone in pocket and started meditating. Meditation was the one I was taught in Fotang. There were not much people and it was very peaceful today in Infinity Mall. After few minutes of meditation, a person sitting on my left, touched on my left shoulder. I looked at him. He was chewing something so didn’t say anything but turned his hand in manner to ask me ‘Why, what happened?’ I said ‘What?’ He showed his two fingers from his eyes to the floor yo ask me as ‘Why/what I was looking at floor?’ I said, ‘Nothing, nothing.’ He then stood up, spit in dustbin, sat back on same place.
I got disturbed, I started looking people and then after few minutes I left the place. I was not angry in him.
When I got disturbed, I was in state of constant stillness. I was very much aware and sensitive about the floor and almost 6-7 feet environment around me. I was in that condition constantly for more than three minutes, I guess, though I did not check time. When I was about to be disturbed, I was aware about the poke. Time between the poke and my Knowing was maybe though less than one second but I knew it. It was an achievement. And so, when I was leaving, I was not angry but with the feeling of achievement that in meditating state, I become a magnet. I also knew today, why people used to go to Himalaya or jungle, far from human society, to do Sadhna and meditation practices.
In this time, if one is sitting quietly, at peace, is considered having some problem. Normal person of this age, if he is alone, must be busy on his mobile, checking posts on Facebook, Whatsapp, or other social sites. If you are meditating at public place, sitting normally not in padmasana, still you catch attention of others and you will be disturbed. People are filled with emotions and thoughts. If their mind find you practicing Emptiness, they drain towards you.
20:00 Saturday 1st June 2017
There are three universes, they say –
Outside but under the Sky
Unseen/which is still hidden/Secret
Person, knows something about him but not all. Here individual’s universe which is hidden is mysterious.
Outside world- under the Sky, inside oceans, hidden in earth and far beyond the limits in universe – something we know but not all.
Here, the unknown is hidden and mysterious.
Something which one feels but generally not notices and ignores. If notices but not careful about the experience. If carefully experiences, but cannot explain – is hidden and mysterious.
The hidden is mysterious because one cannot reach to it. For one, who reaches there, everything is opened and clear, brighten and shining.
02:14 a.m. Monday 19th June 2017
When you touch metals, you feel, your getting lighter, energy flows towards the body part in contact with metallic stuff.
If it’s wooden stuff, feeling is neutral.
If it’s woollen, or cotton, feeling is same as with wood.
Sensitivity depends on sincerity.
One can feel the touch, but not the flow.
Anything which comes in contact with other, does exchange something – either it’s energy or temperature, or something, – to keep balance.
Nature promotes balance.
Equality is final goal of all movements.
So the wind moves and we see in its extreme as typhoons. In ocean, there are so many rivers, we call them streams, wandering here to there, finding their appropriate place.
Balance, fulfilment, to make equal, is Tao!
To help in it, to support it, is being on the way.
The Way Is Great!
01:47 a.m. Monday 19th June 2017
Ta – What are Doors to receive informations from outside world?
Wo – Doors for getting information from outside world are –
Chinese philosophy doesn’t include Skin in Five Senses. Rather they accept Consciousness, Intellect, Ability to Judge Right and Wrong. Indian philosophies recognize it as Sixth Sense. Western people misunderstand it with Intuitions. Dreams, Imaginations, Hypothesis, are not the main controller, the Master. All Indian philosophies even Charwaka accepted Sixth Sense as Swa Vivek, Intellect.
Ta – The Master, seems helpless, handicapped without Senses.
Wo – Here I have something not clear for me. Of course, without Senses, the Master is helpless to receive informations from outside world. But we should know that the Master knows everything. It may know something without Senses. It may also know something which is beyond the limits of our senses.
Ta – What is not clear in that.
Wo – Master seems, handicapped without Senses. But it also seems knowing all senses jobs too. Maybe your eyes cannot see something but The Master knows and informs you.
Ta – Intuitions?
Wo – It’s misunderstood with that, I have already said above.
Ta – If they don’t accept skin, or touch as a sense, how do they get information about hot and cold?
Wo – Actually, Chinese ancient people assumed that Eyebrows are the fifth sense. But it was wrong. South Asian philosophers believe skin as one of five senses are also wrong. It’s the Master who knows everything. He feels that hot or cold. He is the one who receives informations, analysis, synthesis and orders too.
Ta – Is that like Jeeva in Jain Philosophy?
Wo – Jeeva also has similarities with consciousness. Jeeva is a mixted concept of onsciousness, atman, Intellect, praana. Master is similar but not that.
Ta – Is that always in heaven?
Wo – No. There are different levels of mind. The heart experiences different feelings emerged by information from outside world or thoughts. If experiences are because of thoughts, that also either from inside or outside world. If Master is stronger than senses, it’s in heaven. If senses are out of control, or Master is under influence of one or more senses, it definitely experiences the hall.
Ta – Seems that heaven and hell are state of mind.
Wo – All heaven and hell we read in books are imagination by our ancient people. It’s their way to tell us what and how they thought about results of good and bad.
Ta – Good and Bad also can be just results of our mind. One doesn’t like to chew tobacco and other likea to chew and smok it.
Wo – Result decides.
Ta – Is there always Cause-Action-Result ?
Wo – Sometimes it’s opposite of it and sometimes all three are at the same time.
Ta – Where is Master here? Doer, the one creating Causes or the one who experiences the Result?
Wo – The one, who observes the chain, without getting involved in process.
21:51 Wednesday 31st May 2017
It is the same way he was on yesterday but he is not the same person. He was a normal person yesterday, ignorant of his own thoughts and emotions. Now, he is aware! And when he reached on her doorstep, he was thoughtless but awakened. Buddha said – ‘See inside and don’t do anything. Remember! Each thought must be under your observation. No thought may pass without your permission. Just remember that.’
He stepped on her doorsteps. He was able to see his own breathings. He could see all movements of his hands, legs, everything. He was having lunch and feeling it was someone else he was feeding to.
When you become an observer, you will be in duality. This duality is not an illusion or hallucination. It is the last step of detachment. You will see yourself acting speaking doing all things and you are also another person at the same time. Doer and Observer! Both are different but same as well.
He had finished his food but it was someone else who was having food and he was just an observer. They say – ‘You are the observer not the doer.’
He was shocked. He came back to Buddha with divine happiness in his heart.
If you are aware then there is no thought. If you see inside yourself as an observer, you may have emotions but no thoughts. Thoughts are secondary, emotions are primary result. The time, when you are free from thoughts but awakened about emotions and aware about breathing, movements, ..You will clearly see Doer and Observer are different.
‘That is the Sutra’ Buddha says, ‘one who is fine to see this, is able to be a Bodhisattwa!’
BE an Observer of Thoughts not Thinker!!
(Tried to summarize a Whatsapp post in my words!)
21:58 Monday 8th May 2017